3 Percenters (redux)

As I swipe right on a different dating apps I have installed on my iPhone* I have discovered that I am not interesting to 99.9% of the women in the DC metropolitan area. But I’m convinced that 1% must have me measured correctly and the tyranny of the unfairly shallow vast majority just doesn’t get […]

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Halloween Forever

I feel like the internet is just halloween expanded to forever and everywhere. I always loved halloween because I hated myself for a very long time. Decades. And Halloween let me change who I was. Even if it was only for a few hours. The internet is a digital costume and anyone can wear it […]

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Fat Vampire

I have to make a formal complaint to all food selling establishments in the universe. Or rather, a suggestion. As a middle aged, bald gentleman of generous carriage, a huge beer gut and size C moobs, I don’t have a very friendly relationship with reflective surfaces. I was walking towards the Chinese food joint in […]

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