Bad Kids Go to Hell (2012) (mini-review++)

(If you’re curious, my review process. It’s also pasted at the end of this post. I don’t believe in Rotten Tomatoes. I just believe in me.)

(***all-purpose SPOILER ALERT*** there may be some in this review)

acting 1

directing 1

effects 1

editing 1

writing 1

SW SCORE: 5

0.5 out of 5 🐙

++

This is the first time I’ve wanted to leave this section blank. There is only one competent actor in this film: Judd Nelson. He didn’t have any good lines and I can’t understand why he took this movie. I shouldn’t be judgmental. Oh wait. That’s the whole point of a movie review.

OK.

I can’t diss a movie without at least giving some reasons. Here goes. The budget must have been infinitesimal because the production values are abysmal. The dialogue deserves a different name because not a single joke lands. A particularly egregious moment is when the “kids” start mocking The Breakfast Club. If the Breakfast Club was a human being and it took a shit, this movie wouldn’t be good enough to eat that shit. That would be like Glass Joe mocking Muhammad Ali. It’s ludicrous. Besides, terrible production value, humorless dialogue, and incredible hubris, the casting defies reason. These characters are supposed to be in high school and the youngest one, I checked, was 26 at the time of filming. The YOUNGEST. Besides the bizarre age choices, the quality of the acting defies description. OK, no it doesn’t. It’s the worst acting I’ve ever seen in a film and I’ve watched over 2500 films in my life. Whenever a character is killed in this movie, I was happy because that meant they could not deliver any more lines.

Do not watch this movie. I’m begging you. You would be sending yourself to hell.

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(1) Shark Wrighter (SW) Score: Based on a sum of 5 sub-scores (acting, directing, writing/story, effects: cinematography &/or animation &/or effects, editing) with 1 being terrible and 10 being terrific.

(2) Octopuses (0-5 🐙, with 5 being fantastic and 0 being feces)

(3) Octopuses are my unquantifiable feeling…not that SW score is scientific…but this one is even less so

(4) ++ This optional section includes any incredibly *brilliant observations that don’t fit into simple quantitative slices like the scores and octopuses *(they are likely NOT brilliant)

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