Bad Kids of Crestview Academy (2017) (mini-review++)

(If you’re curious, my review process. It’s also pasted at the end of this post. I don’t believe in Rotten Tomatoes. I just believe in me.)

(***all-purpose SPOILER ALERT*** there may be some in this review)

acting 1

directing 1

effects 1

editing 1

writing 1

SW SCORE: 5

5 out of 5 🐙

++

My feelings on this movie presented in a stream of consciousness because I cannot bring myself to construct a coherent ++ section because the creators of this film id not bother to deliver a coherent product:

The movie begins with animation that is plainly poor quality but at least mildly interesting. I think. 

This is very low budget. But unlike El Mariachi, there is no creative use of the spare resources. 

The opening credits were drawn well, I’ll give them that. 

Why did Sean Astin, of Rudy, Goonies, and The Lord of the Rings, agree to be associated with this movie? 

The “Bad Kids” who are the main characters are also very bad actors. 

Why did Gina Gershon, of Bound, Face/Off, and numerous prominent TV show roles, agree to be in this movie?

I think Gina and Sean were tricked. Like what happened with Bill Murray and the Garfield movie.

One of the kids uses the word “retarded”. That seems unnecessary and inappropriate in 2017.

I really thought it couldn’t be as bad as ‘Bad Kids Go to Hell (2012)’ but I think it might actually be worse, I think it’s because watching this movie just makes me sad. I’m not sad because of any genuine emotion brought on by the movie, but because I lost time in my life watching this. And I am terribly unfit and I eat terribly so I don’t have as much time left as healthy folks. 

It might have a bigger budget, but the ending is just as ludicrous and small as ‘Bad Kids Go to Hell’; maybe more so because of the additional resources and the time to learn from the mistakes of its predecessor. 

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(1) Shark Wrighter (SW) Score: Based on a sum of 5 sub-scores (acting, directing, writing/story, effects: cinematography &/or animation &/or effects, editing) with 1 being terrible and 10 being terrific.

(2) Octopuses (0-5 🐙, with 5 being fantastic and 0 being feces)

(3) Octopuses are my unquantifiable feeling…not that SW score is scientific…but this one is even less so

(4) ++ This optional section includes any incredibly *brilliant observations that don’t fit into simple quantitative slices like the scores and octopuses *(they are likely NOT brilliant)

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