There Is A Lot of Crying In Pixar

I just saw Onward and it made me cry in several spots. Pixar has a rep for wrenching many hearts via their film catalog so I decided to rank the Pixar films by most to least weeping. Why? Because I like to rank stuff. I like lists. And crying is good: “You know what they say in Turkey? ‘Tears wash the eyes that one can see better'”.

Gentlepeople, grab your tissues…sorted from LEAST to MOST feels:

From least to most feels Explanation
Cars 3 0 As with the first two installments in the franchise, there were no scenes that prompted genuine sad emotions in this flick.
Cars 2 0 There is nothing in this film that engenders genuine emotion of any kind.
Cars 0 I just can’t remember a single moment in this film when I felt truly sad for the characters.
Monsters University 0 Nothing in this movie would make anyone cry. There’s just nothing powerful here to move any heart.
A Bug’s Life 1 I’m sure I am forgetting a sad moment or maybe I’m just being too hard-hearted. But this one did not birth weepies.
The Incredibles 1 It might be one of the most perfect and original comic book hero stories ever told. And while there were certainly depressing and harshly real moments, crying is not something I came close to while watching this movie. It’s not a criticism. It’s just my truth, true believers.
Brave 1 There are some sad moments between mother and daughter in this flick but nothing that brings out the sobbing reaction. I’d say there are harrowing and hard moments, though.
Toy Story 2 Sure, it’s sad when Andy’s toys get left behind. But it doesn’t compare to the heavy hitters, crying-wise.
Ratatouille 2 Look, it’s my favorite Pixar movie but while there are some dreadful moments, such as when Remy is separated from his family), they are drowned out in the irresistible joy of passion made real. You might cry like I did. But it will be because your heart is full.
WALL-E 2 When WALL-E appears to lose his love, it’s a hard moment. But he will not give up and his doggedness and true love cloud that sharp cut.
Incredibles 2 2 There were a couple of tender moments but this isn’t really a tearful film. Or maybe I’m just dead inside. That’s not a criticism of the film. It’s just not one of the emotions that this excellent epic rips from your soul.
Monsters, Inc. 3 When it appears Boo and Scully will have to separate permanently after developing a strong bond, it is vicious. But I wouldn’t put this up as a kleenex rocker.
The Good Dinosaur 3 There are two killer sad scenes: the Mufasa homage and the final goodbye between Arlo and Spot. These pour out but the rest of the movie feels too generic and halfhearted and run of the mill and any other ordinary cliche you want to use that the big sad hits lose their emotional sticking power.
Toy Story 2 4 When Woody decides to stay Jessie and the dealer’s pristine collection and leave Andy and all the other toys, it hits hard. But it was not a tear duct moment. Maybe I was just too cold and emotionally immature at the time.
Finding Nemo 5 When Nemo is taken by the scuba diver, it hurts like a mother. When they finally reunite it hurt so good that pressure hits your eyeballs and forces them to sweat. It wasn’t crying. I wasn’t crying. I was sobbing. Tears of f**king joy.
Up 7 The opening montage is soul scorchingly sad. And the realization of a promise kept to the love of his life gets the tears flowing freely again.
Toy Story 3 8 When it looks like the toys are about to meet a horrible end is a serious gut punch to the feel parts. When Andy gives his toys to the little girl because he has to move on to a new stage in his life…I’m crying even thinking about it.
Inside Out 8 This one is a straight-up tearjerker; there are so many moments when Riley is feeling alone and betrayed and crushed by the onrush of maturity. Under that top layer, the loyal emotions go through heartbreak themselves and near emotional collapse themselves and their pain is real because their Riley is changing. The emotions have emotions. And Bing Bong…I’m almost crying just thinking about Bing Bong.
Finding Dory 8 When Dory finally reunites with her parents, it’s a supernova of feels. But besides this explosion, there are several lesser bursts of tear duct filling moments that pepper Dory’s epic quest.
Toy Story 4 9 When Woody decides to go with Bo to help save lost toys and has to leave all his friends behind, it is both inspirational and annihilating. It is the most dulcet moment in a tetralogy that has more sincere peaks than any other in motion picture history.
Onward 9.5 ***SPOILER ALERT*** There are so many tender and wrenching moments in this film that elicit tears but the ending when Barley has shared a few moments with their briefly resurrected father with Ian almost split me in half. It was soul cleaving. It was the ultimate fantasy within a fantasy world. And it left me wondering if those few extra seconds were worth the same wound being torn open once again for these sweet brothers. It was.
Coco 10 It is beyond feels to see one family is buffeted against the irresistible forces of death and all its satellites. Your heart will not be broken. It will have to be replaced. And your tear ducts will run dry.


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