(If you’re curious, my review process. It’s also pasted at the end of this post. I don’t believe in Rotten Tomatoes. I just believe in me.)
(***all-purpose SPOILER ALERT*** there may be some in this review)
SW SCORE: 25
2.5 out of 5 🐙
Seth Rogen is one of my favorite actors and writers and if his Twitter feed is any indication, I would like to be friends with him in real life. This movie is not his best work. It feels like Seth Rogen wrote it with a boring studio censor on his right shoulder taking all of his customary edge and spark. Jay Chou is not a big name in movies for a reason. Maybe this movie killed his crossover chances. But he is not the charismatic Asian star this film clearly hoped he would be. He’s had six roles since this movie in 2011. And none have been of any consequence.
OK. I’ve been an asshole long enough in this ++ section. The movie is bland. The action scenes are dead on arrival. Christoph Waltz does his best but he could only do so much with this quality of dialogue. It’s just a very mediocre superhero buddy movie. It really doesn’t merit all the words I’ve typed so far.
I just feel like a dick for being a dick about a Seth Rogen joint.
OK, two more dick statements: How do you make Cameron Diaz not heat up the screen? How do you give Edward James Olmos a few token lines? This is a clear abuse of directorial power.
(1) Shark Wrighter (SW) Score: Based on a sum of 5 sub-scores (acting, directing, writing/story, effects: cinematography &/or animation &/or effects, editing) with 1 being terrible and 10 being terrific.
(2) Octopuses (0-5 🐙, with 5 being fantastic and 0 being feces)
(3) Octopuses are my unquantifiable feeling…not that SW score is scientific…but this one is even less so
(4) ++ This optional section includes any incredibly *brilliant observations that don’t fit into simple quantitative slices like the scores and octopuses *(they are likely NOT brilliant)