Timecop: The Berlin Decision (2003) (mini-review++)

t2(If you’re curious, my review process. It’s also pasted at the end of this post. I don’t believe in Rotten Tomatoes. I just believe in me.)

(***all-purpose SPOILER ALERT*** there may be some in this review)

acting 3

directing 2

effects 3

editing 4

writing 2


1.4 out of 5 🐙


Look, it’s not like the first Timecop was classic cinema. But despite his many faults as a thespian, JCVD has charisma and silly charm. He’s also, remarkably, a much better actor than anyone acting in this pseudo-direct to video-sequel. There’s just literally nothing good here. Every aspect of the film is well below average: plot, dialogue, effects, martial arts choreography, costumes, acting, just everything. It really made me think I should remove “direct to video” films from my quest to watch every comic book-based movie ever. But then I would miss so many excellent animated films that never made the theater. So I can’t excise them from my “to watch” list. But they can’t all be winners. I gotta sift through the sand to get to the gold.







(1) Shark Wrighter (SW) Score: Based on a sum of 5 sub-scores (acting, directing, writing/story, effects: cinematography &/or animation &/or effects, editing) with 1 being terrible and 10 being terrific.

(2) Octopuses (0-5 🐙, with 5 being fantastic and 0 being feces)

(3) Octopuses are my unquantifiable feeling…not that SW score is scientific…but this one is even less so

(4) ++ This optional section includes any incredibly *brilliant observations that don’t fit into simple quantitative slices like the scores and octopuses *(they are likely NOT brilliant)


One thought on “Timecop: The Berlin Decision (2003) (mini-review++)

Leave a Reply