The Alamo (1960) (mini-review++)

ala

(If you’re curious, my review process. It’s also pasted at the end of this post. I don’t believe in Rotten Tomatoes. I just believe in me.)

(***all-purpose SPOILER ALERT*** there may be some in this review)

acting 5

directing 5

effects 7

editing 5

writing 5

SW SCORE: 27

2 out of 5 🐙

++

This was a romanticized, stilted, ridiculous retelling of a brutal historical event. We never actually get to see the main enemy speak more than one or two lines. The first of two battles doesn’t begin until well over 90 minutes into the film. The two battle scenes last a total of ten minutes tops. Remember, this is a movie about a famous BATTLE. The actors deliver platitudinous, jingoistic, cliched monologues into the camera over and over. There are completely unnecessary subplots. The whole thing is probably an hour too long at least. It’s one of the most inexplicably poorly crafted films I have ever seen and I cannot believe it was one of the 5 films nominated for Best Picture.

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(1) Shark Wrighter (SW) Score: Based on a sum of 5 sub-scores (acting, directing, writing/story, effects: cinematography &/or animation &/or effects, editing) with 1 being terrible and 10 being terrific.

(2) Octopuses (0-5 🐙, with 5 being fantastic and 0 being feces)

(3) Octopuses are my unquantifiable feeling…not that SW score is scientific…but this one is even less so

(4) ++ This optional section includes any incredibly *brilliant observations that don’t fit into simple quantitative slices like the scores and octopuses *(they are likely NOT brilliant)

 

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