The Worst Comic Book Movie Ranking Of All Time (Paul [2011])

 

44EA638C-6F84-40EC-B001-10771B34B04EPaul chills at #93

How do I really know that my ranking is the crummiest? Technically there could be much worse rankings. It’s not like I’ve read every comic-based movie ranking on the net.

How did I determine which movie nabbed the top spot and which sank to the bottom of the barrel? I can’t divulge the secret sauce but I swear on my dishonor that I’ve done my worst.

Who am I to make this not-so-humble brag? I present my qualifications:

  • I have spent thousands of dollars and thousands of hours reading comic books.
  • I have attended more comic book conventions than I want to admit.
  • I have watched over 300 hours of comic book-based movies (both in the theater and rentals at home).
  • I have spent far too much time reading books that review and analyze comics and/or movies.
  • I love comics even though they often don’t make any sense.
  • Instead of falling in love in real life, I fell in love with the ladies on the page.
  • I have even tried my own hand at writing screenplays and comic books (both to pretty disastrous results).

Before I list them, four salient points:

  • A movie gets to be on this hallowed list if the source material is a comic book OR its indirect inspiration is close enough for me.
  • If the movie ain’t on the list it’s because I haven’t seen it yet. I don’t care if you think it belongs (but feel free to mention it in the comments and I’ll probably check it out).
  • There are very few non-English language films currently. I have nothing against them and I’ll be viewing and adding them as fast as I can.
  • I’ll be adding to this ranking until I’ve seen every comic book-based movie ever.
  • I reserve the right to haphazardly, and without explanation, change the ranking order. This is a living document.
  • I’m linking to my “not trademarked at all” Mini-review++ to each movie on this ranking as soon as I can get them up and ready. Just so you can see more detail if that’s your bag.

Ready? Let’s get ready to rrrrruuuuummmmmbbbblllllleeee!

  1. Spider-Man 2 (2004):  Perfect.
  2. Logan (2017): Simply soul-crushing in the best way possible.
  3. Batman Begins (2005): A gritty, modern introduction of a Frank Miller-esque Dark Knight. It’s the polar opposite of the 1989 campy farce in almost every way. Ra’s al Ghul isn’t my favorite villain but they resisted the temptation to start this trilogy off by leaning on the Joker again. 
  4. Iron Man (2008): Solid Gold.
  5. Spider-Man (2017): Homecoming: Not a reboot; a revitalization.
  6. Thor: Ragnarok (2017): There has never been a final installment of any trilogy that completely blew away its predecessors. You will be entertained.
  7. X-Men: Days of Future Past (2014): Bryan Singer’s triumphant return.
  8. Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse (2018): A wholly fresh, smart, fun, and layered reimagining of one of the most iconic characters ever. Believe the hype.
  9. Joker (2019): A disturbing, and at times unethical, transformation story that is unlike any other comic book movie ever made. Joaquin Phoenix gives the performance of his career and the finest and most full interpretation of any comic book character ever.jok
  10. Kick-Ass (2010): See name of movie.
  11. Couleur de peau: Miel (Approved for Adoption) (2013): a singular documentary of a Korean War orphan raised in Belgium who grows up to be a cartoonist and filmmaker. A painting in motion told through gorgeous animation intercut with live-action documentary-style footage. and overflowing with universal immigrant truths and singular emigre details. And F***, this movie made me cry for joy, sadness, and empathy. It’s simply remarkable. COULEURDEPEAUMIEL.jpg
  12. Avengers: Endgame (2019): The original comic book story’s ending was lackluster. This finale to the most impressive streak of quality films EVER shined.
  13. Guardians of the Galaxy (2014): I never even heard of this team before I saw this movie. You could not fashion a better or bolder introduction.
  14. Big Hero 6 (2014): Gorgeous animation and an original take on classic examination of what makes something alive. It will save your day.
  15. Avengers Infinity War Part 1 (2018): I wanted to be really bored and unimpressed with this movie. I wasn’t. I don’t think it could have been made any better.
  16. Captain Marvel (2019): Brie Larson is charm personified and Samuel L. Jackson is an unmatched on-screen presence. The story will make you stand and salute. This is what Wonder Woman SHOULD have been. 
  17. Black Panther (2018): Wakanda forever!
  18. Doctor Strange (2016): This comic was always the weird, mostly lame sorcery fantasy title. Marvel Studios applied their magic formula and raised it up to a new plane.
  19. Spider-Man: Far From Home (2019): I could have ranked this higher. Definitely the funniest MCU flick ever. And it continues to take your friendly neighborhood Spider-Man in fantastic new directions. spider-man-far-from-home-post-credits-scene-explained.jpg
  20. Spider-Man (2002): The movie that launched the modern comic movie era. OK, that was actually X-Men. But Spider-Man is the biggest name in the Marvel Universe. Nothing but respect for Iron Man but Spider-Man is THE logo. And without the opener and the best comic book movie of all time (Spider-Man 2), there would not have been an Iron Man. Love them or hate them, the comic book movie rests on this movie’s shoulders. 
  21. X2: X-Men United (2003): Homo Superior.
  22. Akira (1988): just the most important manga adaptation ever. It’s an absolutely gorgeous visual masterpiece and one of the more ambitious stories ever. akiub.jpg
  23. X-Men (2000): A tight introduction to the BEST superhero team in all of comicdom. 
  24. Deadpool 2 (2018): just like the first except a little funnier and a little better.
  25. Captain America: The First Avenger (2011): America, this was beautiful.
  26. Deadpool (2016): This was a great introduction to an antihero I had only read about when he was humorless.
  27. Ant-Man (2015): Fun and funny. Pena’s storytelling flashback scenes are gut-busting hilarious.
  28. A History of Violence (2005): If it ain’t rough, it ain’t this movie.
  29. The Avengers (2012): Unwieldy but pretty much the best it could be.
  30. Hellboy II: The Golden Army (2008): the rare sequel that is more fun than the original.hb2.jpg
  31. Barbarella (1968): There are no words I can put here to sufficiently convey the absolute insanity and hilarity in this one of a kind comedy. I just can’t.babr
  32. Ghost World (2001): Scarlett Johansson’s understated solid introduction to my consciousness. And maybe Steve Buscemi’s finest role (which is saying something). 
  33. Planet Hulk (2010): Thor: Ragnarok incorporated aspects of this story but it gets much deserved top billing here. The stylish animation and great voice work ride THE BEST HULK comic book storyline to glory. And Beta Ray Bill is in it! (he deserves his own joint, too). 1worstplanethulk
  34. The Dark Knight (2008): this was a big disappointment for me. Heath Ledger’s Joker was the best Joker to date, though. But now I have to give the gold to Joaquin Phoenix. Though silver in this event is like the 2nd highest peak in the Himalayas. It’s still a monumental natural wonder. 
  35. Kick-Ass 2 (2013): Still cold kicking it.
  36. Ethel & Ernest (2016): a heartwarming and beautifully animated chronicle of good people living through tumultuous times.ethel_ernest.jpg
  37. Teen Titans Go! To The Movies (2018): Hilarious. Charmingly creative story. Very fresh and I’m not talking about Rotten Tomatoes. Knows itself. Brilliant voice work. JUST FUN.
  38. The Crow (1994): a striking style and story with a fine turn by Brandon Lee who died in a tragic accident during filming.
  39. Atomic Blonde (2017): To paraphrase the Prince classic, Charlize Theron is one badass, sexy motherfucker.
  40. V for Vendetta (2005): Vengeance is ours or: revenge is a dish best served British.
  41. The Dark Knight Rises (2012): Despite Bain’s CPAP, he was a chilling and cold complement to the Joker’s mania in the previous installment.
  42. Ant-Man and the Wasp (2018): not as funny as the first but great things still come in very, very small packages.
  43. Captain America: Civil War (2016): It’s not an original storyline (security vs civil liberties). But it’s the rare trilogy that produces three excellent installments.
  44. X-Men: First Class (2011): JLaw is so amazing. I used to love her so much. Not so much anymore. I’m a sucker for an origin story but this introduction felt muted.
  45. Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2 (2017): still lots of fun but the family theme was already done much better in the predecessor.
  46. Snowpiercer (2014): A ridiculous post-apocalyptic conceit made full with insane set designs, snappy dialogue, rugged acting, and a frenetic chase/race vibe. Sure, the plot is skeletal but it doesn’t melt this thrill ride.snowpiercer-2014-03-12-07h41m57s193.jpg
  47. Captain America: The Winter Soldier (2014): Why is having one metallic arm so cool? It’s like the opposite of Michael Jackson’s sequin glove. 
  48. Suicide Squad (2016): Margot Robbie carries this movie on her perfect back and I can’t help myself: I had a blast.
  49. Superman II (1980): You will kneel before Zod.
  50. Justice League: War (2014): a far better Justice league origin story than the bloated 2017 live-action joint (though I readily admit I enjoyed it more than I expected to). jlwar
  51. Red (2010): Any movie with Hellen Mirren wielding automatic weapons is hella fun!
  52. Hellboy (2004): Whenever Guillermo Del Toro directs, the film is going to be a visual smorgasbord. The story was fine too. hhhb.jpg
  53. Avengers: Age of Ultron (2015): Whedon deftly executes another Avengers movie where a lot could have gone wrong. Spader was brilliant as Ultron and Bettany breathed life into Vision.
  54. Fist of the North Star (1986): the anime classic that brags about being the most violent ever in its genre (at least as of 1986). There are moments when the animation is stilted and you could definitely see the technological limitations. But it’s an ending I’ve never seen before and didn’t see coming and the world is fresh and so far from any western comic book movie I’ve ever seen (granted, I’ve only watched two anime flicks so far). fistnorth.jpg
  55. Scott Pilgrim vs. the World (2010): Anytime a geek gets to be a superhero, an angel gets its hand canons.
  56. Superman (1978): This might contain the worst scene in comic book movie history but Gene Hackman and Christopher Reeve make it worthwhile and a solid introduction of the Man of Steel to the modern era.
  57. Shazam! (2019): It’s just a really fun time. It’s basically a superhero version of 1988 classic ‘Big’. But, like Ant-Man, it knew itself. And you should get to know it, too.shazam-firstlook-gasstation-drinkingsoda-frontpage-700x297.jpg
  58. Wonder Woman (2017): Overrated. The bad guy was boring. The fight scenes were staid. The humor was sparse. The plot was meh. The acting performances, all around, were tepid.
  59. Road to Perdition: Casting Tom Hanks as a hitman was intriguing. Paul Newman as a mob boss had potential. But the end result was dull.
  60. The Diary of a Teenage Girl (2015): See also: American Beauty, Lolita (1962), Ghost World, Almost Famous. It appears to have strongly influenced 2018’s Eighth Grade. While this one goes darker, both pull off a surreal, sincere, and twisted dive into the chaos of sexual awakening. Like real life, it’s hard, complicated and f*cked up in so many ways.thediary.jpg
  61. Josie and the Pussycats: silly fun. A cheeky satire of boybands and naked consumerism. Plenty of laughs and ludicrous plot twists and turns and cartwheels. And the music’s not bad at all; decent pop-punk. It will rock you.josie.jpg
  62. Batman: Wowed me in 1989 but the poppy aesthetic and cheesy one-liners just seem lame now and are not what people want from their dark knight. 
  63. Green Lantern (2011): I love Green Lantern. I love sci-fi. I lust for Blake Lively. I’m fairly certain I haven’t met a single person who enjoyed this movie besides me.
  64. Watchmen: Maybe the best graphic novel ever. There was really no hope this could ever live up to the source material.
  65. X-Men Origins: Wolverine (2009): A good but not great start. But why didn’t they call it Weapon X? That’s a way better title. Also, I’m glad they didn’t keep this version of Deadpool. He was just too creepy. And no fun at all. And to be honest, this wasn’t a super fun movie either so maybe that was the theme?
  66. Hulk (2003): Ang Lee tried something different and I appreciate it. I didn’t love it but taking a creative swing earns my respect.
  67. Weird Science: The ultimate science fiction uber-nerd fantasy. Who wouldn’t want to design their perfect woman? The love triangle bit was weird, though.
  68. Kingsman: The Secret Service: The look was great. The fight choreography was fun. But overall the movie did not leave a lasting impression.
  69. Oblivion: a well-crafted sci-fi flick with solid acting and a sleepy plot that’s completely unremarkable. This movie will self destruct from your memory minutes after watching it.
  70. Le grand méchant renard et autres contes…: three charming modern fairy tales involving farm animals with decidedly cosmopolitan personas. The humor is ludicrous and heartfelt and quirky. And the animation is simply gorgeous. bigbad.jpg
  71. Tank Girl: it’s ludicrous and the effects and budget result in Pee-wee Herman level cinematography but it doesn’t matter because it’s about turning dystopia into fun delirium. And Naomi Watts plays a nerd! And the original source art is spliced in for magic mayhem! Oh my!tank-girl-2-1200-1200-675-675-crop-000000.jpg
  72. Suicide Squad: Hell to Pay: an R rated animated direct to video exercise in brutality and cynicism that makes most movies on this list look like children’s stories. suicidesquadhelltopay4235.jpg
  73. Red 2: still hella fun! I love these badass grumpy old-timers.
  74. The Mask: Cameron Diaz was a Goddess descending to the mortal plane. And Jim Carrey was funny before his manic comedy performances got old.
  75. Next Avengers: Heroes of Tomorrow: Reminded of a more sedate version of  Teen Titans Go! That’s not a diss. It’s a supremely fun and entertaining alternate universe tale that I really don’t want to say much about because even the setup is part of what makes it a blast.next_aven.jpg
  76. Teen Titans: The Judas Contract: a deft balance of teen problems and adult themes wrapped in a non-MCU universe that feels like a trip to the bizarro world after enjoying Marvel flicks for years.thejudascontract
  77. Justice League: This was a lot more fun then I thought it would be. It’s just that when I see an MCU movie, I expect quality. With DC, I just brace myself.
  78. I Kill Giants: While never released in the USA, this simple but intriguing fable had better writing and acting than most of the flicks on this list. But it’s haphazard and poorly justified ending sunk it.1worsti-kill-giants01
  79. Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer: The surfer is such a badass. He has got to be the coolest alien in the MCU.
  80. The Wolverine: The Yakuza and Ninjas and Wolverine, oh my! With those parts, you’d expect magic. This is no Harry Potter.
  81. Thor: The Dark World: The bad guy was cool – sort of like a dark space elf – but the movie was meh,  much like its predecessor.
  82. My Friend Dahmer: a fair, disturbing, and terrifying portrayal of a monster in adolescence. dahmer3.0
  83. Wanted: I miss the scary sexy Angelina Jolie. The United Nations emissary and good mother role model is great and I respect personal growth and all. Oh, the movie? This is the poor man’s John Wick. Although Common managed to be cool in both versions.1worstwanted
  84. Naruto the Movie: Ninja Clash in the Land of Snow: the title alone reads like a bad translation this is a strong quest yarn populated with novel superhumans, a cool meta-subplot, and classic anime animation juxtaposed with realistic animation. A fine introduction (to me) to Japanese comic book movies.  naruto.jpg
  85. The Lego Batman Movie: A one-trick pony but still plenty of laughs and charming animation. But it just didn’t live up to the phenomenal Lego movie.
  86. Jonah Hex: This is the 4th comic book character Josh Brolin has played (also Cable, Thanos, and Agent K). That’s a singular accomplishment. This revenge plot has been accomplished MANY times. But it’s good enough to watch while you’re folding laundry.1worstjonahhex
  87. Constantine: Neo does his thing and Weisz is always a pleasure to watch. The CGI looks dated and the action set pieces flatline. 
  88. Venom: Venom is a cool baddie but this movie felt like it was adrift in the MCU. The Joker is an evildoer who could carry a movie. Eddi Brock (with an unusually poor performance by Tom Hardy) cannot.  0055.jpg
  89. Blade: Take everything classy about vampires and turn it into a Dracula meets the Punisher crapfest. And to Mr. Snipes: frowning all the time is not acting.
  90. Thor: Mediocre movie but Chris Hemsworth’s burgeoning comic chops and Norse mythology make it worth a watch, maybe.
  91. Iron Man 2: A broke down Russian scientist outsmarts and out-techs Tony Stark? What a load of crap and what a lame villain. Terrible sophomore slump.
  92. Men in Black: The aliens were cool looking but there’s nothing unique about this buddy cop movie with a sci-fi veneer.
  93. Paul (2011): Yes, this is basically what would happen if Steven Spielberg had been 15 years old and high when he directed E.T. And yes it’s entirely predictable and half the jokes don’t land. But the surprising cast and the better half that did hit kept me entertained enough. I wouldn’t call it a good movie but it is a good time. paul.jpg
  94. Aquaman: Drogo is the greatest Khal but this flick is just another DC miss. The acting ranges from mediocre to terrible. Besides, everyone knows Vinnie Chase was the best Aquaman. 0050.jpg
  95. Justice League Dark: This is what the Dr. Strange comics in the ’90s would look like if they were animated. They were not very good. Neither is a movie with a convoluted story and dreary animation. 1worstjusticeleaguedark
  96. The Death of Stalin (2017): Look, I love Armando Iannucci’s previous films and Steve Buscemi is one of my favorite actors. But the thing I loved about Iannucci’s previous films was the biting and brilliant humor. I hate to say this but I barely chuckled a few times. The acting was fine but the film’s minimal scope didn’t overcome the dearth of wit. stalin3
  97. American Splendor: Take Ghost World and make it boring and void of any hope or joy. But at least it was different. And there were a few laughs.
  98. Iron Man 3: The major twist in this movie might be the dumbest one in comic book movie history. Not that the rest of the movie was working well.
  99. The Incredible Hulk: Ed Norton had the charm of legalese. He should take lessons from his co-star Tim Roth who is always a compelling screen presence.
  100. The Amazing Spider-Man: (reboot): Cash grab so Sony could keep the rights. They didn’t even have the decency to use a new villain. Snooze.
  101. Fantastic Four (2005): I was never a big fan of the comic (except for the Walt Simonson run). Could they have made the Thing look any lamer?
  102. X-Men: Apocalypse: Everyone makes mistakes, right Bryan Singer? As the first and greatest mutant of all time, Apocalypse deserved much better than this.
  103. Cowboys & Aliens: an all-star cast and intriguing premise could not save this movie from trope overload and a ludicrous final act. cowboys-jumbo
  104. Sin City: The aesthetic was interesting. But the plot was so boring that I can’t remember a thing about it. It gets old when EVERY character is brooding.
  105. Bullet to the Head (2012):  A mediocre movie about assassins made all the worse by the existence of the amazing John Wick trilogy. (Yes, I know this came out before the first Wick). Mamoa hasn’t displayed any range yet (no disrespect to Khal Drogo) and Stallone only has a few quality performances (Rocky, Cop Land, Creed) in a sea of one-note duds.bullet-to-the-head-sylvester-stallone-jason-momoa1.jpg
  106. Hercules: The Rock is a national treasure. Hercules is a classic myth. This adaptation is nothing valuable or legendary. The only remarkable thing is the ridiculous lion hat. 1worsthercules.jpg
  107. Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets: I loved the setup and some of the creature designs were excellent and some reminded me of the bubble gum CGI in the Star Wars prequels. Besides the recycled plot, cliched dialogue, ludicrous romantic exchanges, and 5th Element derivation, the worst part of the movie is the jaw-droppingly bad acting performances from the two leads. We are talking “Sofia Coppola in The Godfather Part III” grating. But Rihanna was cool. valerian.jpg
  108. John Carter: Friday Night Lights was an amazing show and Tim Riggins was its heart. Taylor Kitsch’s blistering screen presence never landed on this planet. Texas forever. Planet Barsoom? Only if you’re home sick with the flu.worstjohncarter
  109. Superman III: Pretty terrible. But at least Richard Pryor is in it? The internal logic in this film was terrible. A computer can hurt Superman? F*ck that noise. 
  110. Batman Returns: After Batman made mega-bank, the studio gave Tim Burton his ultimate dream to go completely dark. That was a depressingly bad choice. 
  111. The Haunted World of El Superbeasto: this isn’t really a movie. I can’t discern a plot. it’s a series of barely connected sketches conjured by Rob Zombie’s vibrant but wholly sophomoric imagination.
  112. Superman Returns: The effects were far better than any of the original 4. But the performances were pedestrian and the story was a retread.
  113. Casper: It’s an average kids’ movie overall but there are some funny lines, serviceable performances, and creative mythology, that are wrapped around a decent thematic heart. It won’t haunt your dreams but it’s not supposed to.casper.jpg
  114. Blueberry {Renegade} (2004): This might have the longest and most boring climactic good versus evil battle scene in the history of comic book-based movies. It is left a dark mark on my soul. While the cinematography is good in many places, the use of effects is almost criminally bad in critical spots. It also drags relentlessly. rennnnnnnnnnnn.jpg
  115. Whiteout (2009): It’s nice to see Tom Skerritt get work. He has charisma. His colleagues do not. The movie itself was a litany of cliches, stiff acting, staid dialogue, and the most inexplicable and excessive number of MULTIPLE climax scenes I’ve ever seen. Tom Skerritt deserves better.whiteout-mv-13-600
  116. Surrogates: Feels like it steals most of its core themes from other much better sci-fi classics. It feels like that because that’s what it does. Take it from Marvin Gaye and Tammi Terrell: Ain’t nothing like the real thing, baby.surrmovieFIXED
  117. 2 Guns: Denzel and Marky Mark have decent chemistry and the dialogue is ok but other than a few novel moments, there’s nothing to see here.
  118. Timecop: JCVD! His best (and only) great movie is Bloodsport. I wish I could get my time back after watching this movie.
  119. 30 Days of Night: The simple premise is great. It was a fresh take on vampires and the cinematography was a’ight. But its internal logic does not hold up.
  120. The Amazing Spider-Man 2: Much like its predecessor in that it was completely uninspired. Jamie Foxx’s time has long since passed.
  121. Wilson: if you took all charm out of Ghost World and replaced all the characters with soul-sucking human-shaped bags of depression and mixed it with a tired plot. wilson
  122. Dark Phoenix: I could make a darkness pun. But this movie isn’t worth it. Turner delivered a lifeless Jean Grey. And a collection of strong actors and typically solid movie elements delivered not ONE moment of joy.
  123. The Punisher (2004): Casting a pretty boy as Frank Castle was BS. Darker energy was needed. Casting Henry Rollins would have been the baller move.
  124. Asterix and the Vikings (2006); Basically just a silly movie for kids. The protagonists are legendary French comic book characters but this is a decidedly ordinary story. But the animation was pleasant enough and it took me back to 80s hand-drawn style even though it was produced in the aughts. asterix-and-the-vikings-f942a812-b0bb-4602-bb7c-a58e7261b34-resize-750
  125. Polar (2019): It’s an insult to derivative movies to call this derivative. At least they make some kind of effort to mask their theft. Mads Mikkelsen is always good. But the rest of the performances are TERRIBLE. The score is TERRIBLE. The stylized cinematography and general aesthetic are different but also TERRIBLE. Despite it’s lack of anything quality, I was entertained. And I really think that says something TERRIBLE about me. But this list is about judgment, not taste and I can’t justify a ranking any higher than this number.polar2
  126. The Punisher: War Zone: They covered the iconic skull emblem and dressed him like a bomb inspector. And that was the smallest problem with the movie.
  127. Virus: Basically a thinly veiled ripoff of Aliens but with different aliens, terrible effects, mediocre acting, ludicrous action/horror set pieces, and joyless dialogue. virus.jpg
  128. Lady Death: a bizarre and very low budget fantasy war movie that blatantly steals from the LOTR and Marvel and Star Wars franchises. It’s rare you find an animated movie that intentionally (?) limits the color palette. If this was an intentional stylistic choice, then it meshed well with the staid dialogue and basic plot.lady_death_screenshot_5.jpg
  129. From Hell: Jack the Ripper’s story is fascinating. This movie is anything but. But Heather Graham looks good as a ginger.
  130. Blade II: I can’t even remember a thing about this movie. I consider that a blessing. The sunglasses at night are incredibly stupid.
  131. The Rocketeer: Never reaches escape velocity.
  132. Judge Dredd: Great comic. But Sly was not the right casting call for this movie and the visual effects were clunky.
  133. Spider-Man 3: Sam Raimi fell into an old trap: too many characters. Other crimes: casting Topher f*cking Grace as Venom AND that terrible musical number.
  134. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: The original comic book was black and white, edgy, sharp and brutal. This was the complete opposite.
  135. Men in Black II: Remember when Johnny Knoxville was trying to be a movie actor? Yeah, that worked out about as well as this movie.
  136. Ghost Rider: The character has a great look and a classic story. Unfortunately, this starred Nicholas Cage. And it’s no Con Air.
  137. Sin City: A Dame to Kill For: the look was only borderline cool for the first installment. Now it’s been done before and the writing didn’t get any better.
  138. Mystery Men: Some funny character names and a few good laughs but absolutely nothing mysterious about this formulaic action-comedy.
  139. Batman Forever: I liked Jim Carrey. But then they threw in a terrible Two Face, an extraneous Batgirl, and a lame Robin. And we thought Tim Burton was bad. 
  140. Men in Black 3: Why? Other than money, I have no idea. Who was clamoring for this? Josh Brolin, you should have known better.
  141. Bulletproof Monk: The still below is emblematic of the movie. Seann William Scott looking ridiculous and Chow Yun-fat is thinking about anything else.
  142. Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance: Revenge? Sure. But against the moviegoers who paid to see this movie. Nic Cage, can’t you just leave us alone?
  143. I, Frankenstein: I hope there isn’t an afterlife and if there is one, I hope this movie never got distributed there because it would kill Mary Shelly. Even though she is already dead.1worstphoto-i-frankenstein-2014-4
  144. Daredevil: Ben Affleck should stick to directing and groping people who are interviewing him. Whoever decided to cast him as Batman clearly never saw this.
  145. Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice: This was a great graphic novel. But I think we all wish this particular sun never rose. 
  146. Richie Rich (1994): a completely milquetoast kids movie with MacCauley Culkin essentially paying the same character from his Home Alone movies. Never has a movie where everyone was just cashing in been more appropriately named. richie
  147. Hellboy (2019): If you took the Family Guy writing style of stringing non-sequitur reference scenes and turned them into a live-action movie, you’d get this. Except Family Guy occasionally makes sense and is funny. HB_D11-2589.ARW
  148. The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen: Does not even rise to the level of ordinary. Again, fantastic source material; you really should read it.
  149. Man of Steel: They tried to make Supes a moody loaner aka the 1980’s Hulk tv show. That’s not him. Never has been. And they reused the Zod storyline.
  150. Howard the Duck: what the hell? His cameo in Guardians of the Galaxy was better than this entire movie. But I do have a soft spot for terrible 80’s flicks.
  151. Red Sonja: the photo below reminds me of when cousins resort to taking each other to the prom. I think that’s how the actors felt on this movie.
  152. Elektra: Jennifer Garner employs the frowning school of acting (other practitioners include Wesley Snipes). You will be frowning if you waste time watching this.
  153. Pixies: This feels like something that was made in the 90s; the animation is that bad. At first, I thought it was stylized but it soon became apparent it was just bad. The only good thing about watching this was that the animation reminded me of the Dire Straits video of Money for Nothing. pixies.jpg
  154. Superman IV: The Quest for Peace: This has to be the worst ending in comic book movie history. And it’s not like the rest of the movie was a prize.
  155. Fantastic Four (2015): By far Michael B. Jordan’s worst movie. This was not a reboot. It was an execution.
  156. Blade: Trinity: Three times as sh*tty as the others in the franchise. They also turned Dracula into a SUPER lame hybrid Aliens type sci-fi monster.
  157. Alien vs Predator (2004): Two great tastes that definitely did not taste well together.
  158. Batman & Robin: The absolute worst of the bat flicks. This movie almost single-handedly aborted the comic movie revolution. It’s Arnold’s darkest moment.
  159. The Kitchen: it’s not surprising that Rotten Tomatoes has this film at 22%. It’s surprising that it got more than 2%. Seriously, I’d love to speak to the reviewers who liked it. the-kitchen-2019-movie-review-tiffany-haddish-elisabeth-moss-melissa-mccarthy
  160. Howard Lovecraft and the Undersea Kingdom (2017): This reminded me of a horribly animated, horribly written, horribly acted version of the chaotic mess that was Hellboy (2019). And that was already a horrible movie. howardlovecraftout.jpg
  161. G-Men From Hell: This is like if you took Sin City and cut the budget by 99%. And that movie was already shi*ty AF. Weirdly there are good actors in it.
  162. Catwoman: It takes a lot to make me hate a movie in which Halle Berry is nearly naked.  But they pulled it off.
  163. Barb Wire: Pamela Lee Anderson takes bad acting to a whole new level. It’s almost worth watching this movie to witness this accomplishment. Almost.
  164. Abattoir: The word ‘abattoir’ comes from the French and means a “slaughterhouse for cows”. I’d rather be one of those cows than see this movie again. Abattoir_Selects_R4_1.257.1.T
  165. Officer Downe: I’m morally opposed to capital punishment but someone should have killed this movie before ANYONE had a chance to see it. This is a trashy version of Polar which is a grotesque version of the wonderful John Wick films. OFFICERDOWNE_Still2.jpg
  166. Bad Kids Go To Hell: I can’t logically argue that this is better than 300. I was rooting for the killer because it meant the victim wouldn’t have more lines.
  167. Bad Kids of Crestview Academy: Somehow, despite the epically horrible Bad Kids Go to Hell, funding was acquired to make this sequel. Somehow, Sean Astin’s representation tricked him into being in it. You’d think more money and better talent would make a better movie. You would be wrong. crestv.jpg
  168. X-Men: The Last Stand: F*ck you, Brett Ratner. F*ck you all the way to hell.
  169. 300: Rise of an Empire: Logically, the sequel to the worst comic book-based movie ever made should be ranked lower than its predecessor. But watching this exercise in excrement is akin to getting punched in the mouth for the 2nd time. It’s still painful but it’s not an unknown sensation anymore, dulling its bite. radar.300.warnerbrospictures.jpg
  170. 300: This abomination represents everything that is wrong with movie-making. It is an homage to style over substance. It is entirely about beauty and disdains brains. And the fact that it was a box office smash confirms my opinion of humanity. 300

Until next time…

EXCELSIOR, TRUE BELIEVERS!

One thought on “The Worst Comic Book Movie Ranking Of All Time (Paul [2011])

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