The Phantom Menace (1999) (mini-review++)


(If you’re curious, my review process. It’s also pasted at the end of this post. I don’t believe in Rotten Tomatoes. I just believe in me.)

(***all-purpose SPOILER ALERT*** there may be some in this review)

The Phantom Menace:

acting 0

directing 0

effects 3

editing 2

writing 0


0 out of 5 🐙


Jar Jar. Betraying all the fans. Midichlorians. Worst prequel ever. Racist character accents. Jar Jar. Decades-long wait for this? F*ck Lucas. Jar Jar. Killing off the only charismatic character in all of the prequels.




(1) Shark Wrighter (SW) Score: Based on a sum of 5 sub-scores (acting, directing, writing/story, effects: cinematography &/or animation &/or effects, editing) with 1 being terrible and 10 being terrific.

(2) Octopuses (0-5 🐙, with 5 being fantastic and 0 being feces)

(3) Octopuses are my unquantifiable feeling…not that SW score is scientific…but this one is even less so

(4) ++ This optional section includes any incredibly *brilliant observations that don’t fit into simple quantitative slices like the scores and octopuses *(they are likely NOT brilliant)





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