Master and Commander: The Far Side of the World (mini-review++)

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(If you’re curious, my review process. It’s also pasted at the end of this post. I don’t believe in Rotten Tomatoes. I just believe in me.)

(***all-purpose SPOILER ALERT*** there may be some in this review)

The mini-review:

Master and Commander: The Far Side of the World

acting 6

directing 6

writing 5

effects 7

editing 7

SW score: 29

2.9 out of 5 octopi

++ Paul Bettany and Russell Crowe join forces once again but there is very little beautiful about this project. The movie is essentially a ye olde time chase on the water. Again, Bettany and Crowe are talented professionals but this is hardly the top tier of their performances. You know how car chase scenes are exciting because they are fast-moving and gripping and involve hairpin turns and lots of damage. None of that happens when the chase consists of 19th-century ships. The master and commander (because one overbearing title isn’t enough) and his ship’s surgeon have ostensibly witty conversations and inspire their men to chase a seemingly superior foe. I’m falling asleep writing this very short blurb. I almost did the same watching this movie. If you like old ship battles, this might be for you. But I could just point you to a few much more fun A Game of Thrones episodes. This whole effort feels like Peter Weir and his collaborators just needed to pay off their villas and needed a quick cash infusion.

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(1) Shark Wrighter (SW) Score: Based on a sum of 5 sub-scores (acting, directing, writing/story, effects: cinematography &/or animation &/or effects, editing) with 1 being terrible and 10 being terrific.

(2) Octopuses (0-5 🐙, with 5 being fantastic and 0 being feces)

(3) Octopuses are my unquantifiable feeling…not that SW score is scientific…but this one is even less so

(4) ++ This optional section includes any incredibly *brilliant observations that don’t fit into simple quantitative slices like the scores and octopuses *(they are likely NOT brilliant)

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