Crash (2004) (mini-review++)

crash.jpg

(If you’re curious, my review process. It’s also pasted at the end of this post. I don’t believe in Rotten Tomatoes. I just believe in me.)

(***all-purpose SPOILER ALERT*** there may be some in this review)

The mini-review:

Crash

acting 6

directing 6

writing 5

effects 6

editing 6

SW score: 27

2.7 out of 5 octopi

++ I don’t understand how this movie won Best Picture. I don’t understand how Matt Dillon won Best Supporting Actor. This film is a series of preposterous vignettes that purport to provide thoughtful snapshots of incredibly complex social issues. They fail. They fail terribly. Any one of the themes explored in each of the parallel plots demands much more time and consideration. Each of the issues could and should have filled an entire feature film. I’m not sure what I was supposed to think after watching Crash. Maybe the producers knew it was a giant accident and the title is an inside joke. Except it’s not inside. We can all see it. And we should all definitely look away. It’s not all bad. Ludacris was dope. Why isn’t he in more movies? The dude has enough charisma for millions.

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(1) Shark Wrighter (SW) Score: Based on a sum of 5 sub-scores (acting, directing, writing/story, effects: cinematography &/or animation &/or effects, editing) with 1 being terrible and 10 being terrific.

(2) Octopuses (0-5 🐙, with 5 being fantastic and 0 being feces)

(3) Octopuses are my unquantifiable feeling…not that SW score is scientific…but this one is even less so

(4) ++ This optional section includes any incredibly *brilliant observations that don’t fit into simple quantitative slices like the scores and octopuses *(they are likely NOT brilliant)

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