mini-reviews(++) explained

(examples at the bottom of this post)

So I’ve done a few movie reviews. And while no one asked for it, here’s my process explained: (I don’t believe in Rotten Tomatoes. I just believe in me):

Review outline: (in 4 parts)

  1. An ALL-PURPOSE SPOILER ALERT (there may be some)
  2. Shark Wrighter (SW) Score: Based on a sum of 5 sub-scores:
    • For scripted fiction (acting, directing, writing/story, effects: cinematography &/or animation &/or effects, editing) with 1 being terrible and 10 being terrific.
    • For non-scripted films such as documentaries (importance, directing, writing, effects: cinematography &/or animation &/or effects, editing)
  3. Octopuses (0-5 šŸ™, with 5 being fantastic and 0 being feces)
    • Octopuses are my unquantifiable feelingā€¦not that SW score is scientificā€¦but this one is even less so.
  4. ++ This optional section includes any incredibly *brilliant observations that don’t fit into simple quantitative slices like the scores and octopuses *(they are likely NOT brilliant)

Scripted fiction example

Editorial Note: You might wonder how I can give Commando 5 out of 5 octopuses and give the same number of octopuses to The Godfather. Am I saying they are of equal quality? Of course not. But in my opinion, Commando is the perfect cheesy action flick. It does what it is perfectly. It knows itself. The Godfather doesn’t need any genre qualifications, obviously. Just so y’all don’t think I’m crazy. Well, I am crazy. But not for spreading love to the historically unloved. It’s the Brooklyn way.


The mini-review:

The Empire Strikes Back

acting 9

directing 10

writing 10

effects 10

editing 10

SW score: 49

5 out of 5 octopi

++ content: (Sometimes I add a *sublime* ++note. Sometimes I don’t. If I do, I’m sorry.)

Non-fiction example

Won’t You Be My Neighbor?

importance 8

directing 8

writing 8

effects 8

editing 8

SW score: 37

4 out of 5 octopi

++ content: (Sometimes I add a *sublime* ++note. Sometimes I don’t. If I do, I’m sorry.)

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