The Worst Comic Book Based Movie Ranking Of All Time (Adding Shazam!)

How do I really know that? Technically there could be much worse rankings. It’s not like I’ve read every comic-based movie ranking on the net.

How did I determine which movie nabbed the top spot and which sank to the bottom of the barrel? I can’t divulge the secret sauce but I swear on my dishonor that I’ve done my worst.

Who am I to make this grand pronouncement? I present my qualifications:

  • I have spent thousands of dollars and thousands of hours reading comic books
  • I have attended more comic book conventions than I want to admit
  • I have watched over 475 hours of comic book based movies (both in the theater and rentals at home)
  • I have spent far too much time reading books that review and analyze comics and/or movies
  • I have even tried my own hand at writing screenplays and comic books (both to pretty disastrous results).
  • I didn’t even ask a woman out until I was 21 because I was too busy whispering sweet nothings to *completely* anatomically realistic female characters in comic books.

Before I list them, three salient points:

  • If the movie ain’t on the list it’s because I don’t remember seeing it. I don’t care if you think it belongs (but feel free to mention it in the comments and I’ll probably check it out).
  • These are no non-English language films currently. I have nothing against them and I’ll be viewing and adding them as fast as I can.
  • In general, foreign and domestic, I’ll be adding to this ranking until I’ve seen every comic book based movie ever.

Ready? Let’s get ready to rrrrruuuuummmmmbbbblllllleeee!

  1. Spider-Man 2: Perfect.0001
  2. Logan: Simply soul-crushing in the best way possible.0002
  3. Batman Begins: Awesome mostly. Ra’s al Ghul was a boring bad guy in the comic books and he’s also boring in the movies.0003
  4. Iron Man: Solid Gold.0004
  5. Spider-Man: Homecoming: Not a reboot; a revitalization.0005
  6. Spider-Man: The movie that launched the modern comic movie era.0006
  7. X2: X-Men United: Homo Superior.0007
  8. Kick-Ass: See name of movie.0008
  9. Thor: Ragnarok: There has never been a final installment to a trilogy that completely blew away the previous offerings.0009
  10. X-Men: Days of Future Past: Bryan Singer’s triumphant return.0010
  11. Guardians of the Galaxy: I never even heard of this team before I saw this movie. You could not fashion a more fun and fantastic introduction. 0011
  12. Avengers Infinity War Part 1: I wanted to be really bored and unimpressed with this movie. I wasn’t. I don’t think it could have been made any better.0012
  13. Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse: A wholly fresh, smart, fun, and layered re-imagining of one of the most iconic characters in comic book history. Believe the hype. 0013
  14. X-Men: Cool.0014
  15. Big Hero 6: Just fantastic.0015
  16. Black Panther: Wakanda forever!0016
  17. Deadpool 2: just like the first except a little funnier and a little better.0017
  18. Deadpool: This was a great introduction to an antihero I had only read about when he was humorless.0018
  19. The Avengers (2012): Unwieldy but pretty much the best it could be.0019
  20. Captain Marvel: Brie Larson is charm personified and Samuel L. Jackson is an unmatched on-screen presence. The story will make you stand and salute. This is what Wonder Woman SHOULD have been.  0020
  21. Kick-Ass 2: Still cold kicking it.0021
  22. Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2: still lots of fun but the family theme was already done much better in the predecessor. 0022
  23. Hellboy II: The Golden Army: the rare sequel that is more fun than the original.0023
  24. A History of Violence: If it ain’t rough, it ain’t this movie.0024
  25. Doctor Strange: This comic was always the weird, mostly lame sorcery fantasy title. Game of Thrones, Harry Potter, and the Marvel Studio treatment pulled off their typical magic.0025
  26. X-Men Origins: Wolverine: A great start! But why didn’t they call it Weapon X?0026
  27. Captain America: The First Avenger: He’s the man.0027
  28. The Crow: RIP Brandon Lee.0028
  29. Ghost World: Introduced me to Scarlett Johansson. Thank you.0029
  30. Captain America: The Winter Soldier: Why is having one metallic arm so cool? It’s like the opposite of Michael Jackson’s sequin glove.  0030
  31. Ant-Man: Fun and funny. Pena’s storytelling flashback scenes are gut-busting hilarious. 0031
  32. The Dark Knight: this was a big disappointment for me. Heath Ledger’s Joker is the best Joker ever, though. Without question. RIP.0032
  33. Teen Titans Go!: Hilarious. Charmingly creative story. Very fresh and I’m not talking about Rotten Tomatoes. Knows itself. Brilliant voice work. JUST FUN. 0033
  34. Captain America: Civil War: The rare trilogy capper that maintained the quality, and was faithful to, original classic storyline. 0034
  35. Suicide Squad: Margot Robbie carries this movie on her perfect back and I can’t help myself: I had a blast.0035
  36. The Dark Knight Rises: Despite Bain’s CPAP, he was a chilling and cold complement to the Joker’s mania in the previous installment.0036
  37. Atomic Blonde: To paraphrase the Prince classic, Charlize Theron is one badass, sexy motherfucker.0037
  38. Ant-Man and the Wasp: not as funny as the first but great things still come in very, very small packages.0038
  39. V for Vendetta: Vengeance is ours or: revenge is a dish best served British. 0039
  40. The Mask: Cameron Diaz was a Goddess descending to the mortal plane. And Jim Carrey was funny before his manic comedy performances got old. 0040
  41. X-Men: First Class: JLaw is so amazing. I used to love her so much. Not so much anymore. I’m a sucker for an origin story and this one did adequate work. 0041
  42. Superman II: You will kneel before Zod.0042
  43. Red: Any movie with Hellen Mirren is hella fun!0043
  44. Hellboy: Whenever Guillermo Del Toro directs, the film is going to be a visual smorgasbord. The story was fine too. 0044
  45. Avengers: Age of Ultron: Whedon deftly executes another Avengers movie where a lot could have gone wrong. Spader was brilliant as Ultron and Bettany breathed life into Vision.0045
  46. Shazam! : Despite its numeric place in my list, I had a pretty fun time watching this movie. It was basically a superhero version of Big but, like Ant-Man, it knew, didn’t take itself seriously, and was basically a good time.
  47. shazam-firstlook-gasstation-drinkingsoda-frontpage-700x297.jpg
  48. Watchmen: Maybe the best graphic novel ever. There was really no hope this could ever live up to the source material.0046
  49. Weird Science: The ultimate science fiction uber-nerd fantasy. Who wouldn’t want to design their perfect woman? The love triangle bit was weird, though.0047
  50. Scott Pilgrim vs. the World: Anytime a geek gets to be a superhero, an angel gets its hand canons. 0048
  51. Red 2: still hella fun! I love these badass grumpy old timers. 0049
  52. Aquaman: Drogo is the greatest Khal but this flick is just another DC miss. The acting ranges from mediocre to terrible. Nothing will ever match Vincent Chase’s version. 0050
  53. The Lego Batman Movie: A one trick pony but still plenty of laughs and charming animation. But it just didn’t live up to the phenomenal Lego movie. 0051
  54. Justice League: This was a lot more fun then I thought it would be. It’s just that when I see an MCU movie, I expect quality. With DC, I just brace myself. 0052
  55. Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer: The surfer is such a badass. He has got to be the coolest alien in the MCU. 0053
  56. Hulk: Ang Lee tried something different and I appreciate it. I didn’t love it but taking a creative swing earns my respect. 0054
  57. Venom: Venom is a cool baddie but this movie felt like it was adrift in the MCU. The Joker is an evildoer who could carry a movie. Eddi Brock (with an unusually poor performance by Tom Hardy) cannot.  0055
  58. Superman: This might contain the worst scene in comic book movie history but Gene Hackman and Christopher Reeve earn this place in the list. 0056
  59. Green Lantern: I love Green Lantern. I love sci-fi. I lust for Blake Lively. I’m fairly certain I haven’t met a single person who enjoyed this movie besides me. 0057
  60. The Wolverine: The Yakuza and Ninjas and Wolverine, oh my! With those parts, you’d expect magic. This is no Harry Potter. 0058
  61. Kingsmen: The Secret Service: The look was great. The fight choreography was fun. But overall the movie did not leave a lasting impression. 0059
  62. Constantine: Neo does his thing and Weisz is always a pleasure to watch. The CGI looks dated and the action set pieces flatline. I guess there’s some good dialogue. 0060
  63. 30 Days of Night: The simple premise is great. Fresh(er) take on vampires. Good cinematography. But its internal logic does not hold up. 0061
  64. Thor: The Dark World: The bad guy was cool – sort of like a dark space elf – but the movie was meh,  much like its predecessor. 0062
  65. Wonder Woman (2017): Overrated. The bad guy was boring. The fight scenes were staid. The humor was sparse. The plot was meh. Gal Gadot is pretty but (my advisers have redacted this section for my own good.).0063
  66. X-Men: Apocalypse: Everyone makes mistakes, right Bryan Singer? As the first and greatest mutant of all time, Apocalypse deserved much better than this. 0064
  67. 2 Guns: Denzel and Marky Mark have decent chemistry and the dialogue is ok but other than a few novel moments, there’s nothing to see here. 0065
  68. Timecop: JCVD! His best (and only) great movie is Bloodsport. I wish I could get my time back after watching this movie.0066
  69. Superman III: Pretty terrible. But Richard Pryor is in it, I guess? The internal logic in this film was terrible. A computer can hurt Superman. Please. 0067
  70. The Amazing Spider-Man: (reboot): Cash grab so Sony could keep the rights. They didn’t even have the decency to use a new villain. Snooze.0068
  71. The Amazing Spider-Man 2: Much like its predecessor in that it was completely uninspired. Jamie Foxx’s time has long since passed.0069
  72. Sin City: The aesthetic was interesting. But the plot was so boring that I can’t remember a thing about it. It gets old when EVERY character is brooding. 0070
  73. Road to Perdition: Casting Tom Hanks as a hitman was intriguing. Paul Newman as a mob boss had potential. But the end result was dull. 0071
  74. American Splendor: Take Ghost World and make it boring and void of any hope or joy. But at least it was different. And there were a few laughs. 0072
  75. Batman: Wowed me in 1989 but the poppy aesthetic and cheesy one-liners just seem lame now and are not what people want from their dark knight.  0073
  76. Thor: Mediocre movie but Chris Hemsworth burgeoning comic chops and Norse mythology make it worth a watch, maybe. 0074
  77. Iron Man 2: A broke down Russian scientist outsmarts and out-techs Tony Stark? What a load of crap and what a lame villain. Terrible sophomore slump.0075
  78. Fantastic Four (2005): I was never a big fan of the comic (except for the Walt Simonson run). Could they have made the Thing look any lamer?0076
  79. The Punisher (2004): Casting a pretty boy as Frank Castle was BS. Darker energy was needed. Casting Henry Rollins would have been the baller move.0077
  80. Men in Black: The aliens were cool looking but there’s nothing unique about this buddy cop movie with a sci-fi veneer.0078
  81. Iron Man 3: The major twist in this movie might be the dumbest one in comic book movie history. Not that the rest of the movie was working well. 0079
  82. The Punisher: War Zone: They covered the iconic skull emblem and dressed him like a bomb inspector. And that was the smallest problem with the movie.0080
  83. Blade: Take everything classy about vampires and turn it into a Dracula meets the Punisher crapfest. And Mr. Snipes, frowning all the time is not acting. 0081
  84. The Incredible Hulk: Ed Norton had the charm of legalese. He should take lessons from his co-star Tim Roth, who is always a compelling screen presence. 0082
  85. X-Men: The Last Stand: F*ck you, Brett Ratner. F*ck you all the way to hell.0083
  86. Batman Returns: After Batman made mega-bank, the studio gave Tim Burton his ultimate dream to go completely dark. That was a depressingly bad choice.  0084
  87. Mystery Men: Some funny character names and a few good laughs but absolutely nothing mysterious about this formulaic action comedy. 0085
  88. From Hell: Jack the Ripper’s story is fascinating. This movie is anything but. But Heather Graham looks good as a ginger. 0086
  89. Blade II: I can’t even remember a thing about this movie. I consider that a blessing. The sunglasses at night are incredibly stupid. 0087
  90. The Rocketeer: Never reaches escape velocity.0088
  91. Judge Dredd: Great comic. But Sly was not the right casting call for this movie and visual effects were clunky but not as clunky as the plot. 0089
  92. Spider-Man 3: Sam Raimi fell into an old trap: too many characters. Other crimes: casting Topher fucking Grace as Venom, that terrible musical number.0090
  93. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: The original comic book was black and white, edgy, sharp and brutal. This was the complete opposite. 0091
  94. Men in Black II: Remember when Johnny Knoxville was trying to be a movie actor? Yeah, that worked out about as well as this movie. 0092
  95. Ghost Rider: The character has a great look and a classic story. Unfortunately, this starred Nicholas Cage. And it’s no Con Air. 0093
  96. Sin City: A Dame to Kill For: the look was only borderline cool for the first installment. Now it’s been done before and the writing didn’t get any better. 0094
  97. Superman Returns: The effects were far better than any of the original 4. But the performances were pedestrian and the story was a retread. 0095
  98. Batman Forever: I liked Jim Carrey. But then they threw in a terrible Two Face, an extraneous Batgirl, and Robin. And they forgot to make the movie not shit. 0096
  99. Men in Black III: Why? Other than money, I have no idea. Who was clamoring for this? Josh Brolin, you should have known better. 0097
  100. Bulletproof Monk: The still below is emblematic of the movie. Seann William Scott looking ridiculous and Chow Yun-fat is thinking about anything else. 0098
  101. Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance: Revenge? Sure. But against the moviegoers who paid to see this movie. Nic Cage, can’t you just leave us alone?0099
  102. Daredevil: Ben Affleck should stick to directing and groping people who are interviewing him. Whoever decided to cast him as Batman clearly never saw this. 0100
  103. Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice: This was a great graphic novel. 0101
  104. The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen: Does not even rise to the level of ordinary. Again, fantastic source material; you really should read it. 0102
  105. Man of Steel: They tried to make Supes a moody loaner aka the Hulk tv show in the 80’s. That’s not him. Never has been. And they reused the Zod storyline.0103
  106. Howard the Duck: what the hell? His cameo in Guardians of the Galaxy was better than this entire movie. But I do have a soft spot for terrible 80’s flicks.0104
  107. Red Sonja: the photo below reminds me of when cousins resort to taking each other to the prom. I think that’s how the actors felt on this movie. 0105
  108. Superman IV: The Quest for Peace: This has to be the worst ending in comic book movie history. And it’s not like the rest of the movie was a prize. 0106
  109. Fantastic Four (2015): By far Michael B. Jordan’s worst movie. This was not a reboot. It was an execution. 0107
  110. Blade: Trinity: Three times as sh*tty as the others in the franchise. They also turned Dracula into a SUPER lame hybrid Aliens type sci-fi monster.0108
  111. Alien vs Predator (2004): Two great tastes that definitely did not taste well together.0109
  112. Batman & Robin: The absolute worst of the bat flicks. This movie almost single-handedly aborted the comic movie revolution. It’s Arnold’s darkest moment.0110
  113. G-Men From Hell: This is like if you took Sin City and cut the budget by 99%. And that movie was already shi*ty AF. Weirdly there are good actors in it. 0111
  114. Catwoman: It takes a lot to make me hate a movie in which Halle Berry is nearly naked.  But they pulled it off. 0112
  115. Barb Wire: Pamela Lee Anderson takes bad acting to a whole new level. It’s almost worth watching this movie to witness this accomplishment. Almost. 0113
  116. Bad Kids Go To Hell: I can’t logically argue that this is better than 300. I was rooting for the killer because it meant the victim wouldn’t have more lines. 0114
  117. 300: For me, this represents everything that is wrong with modern movie making. It is an homage to style over substance. It is entirely about beauty and disdains brains. And the fact that it was a box office smash confirms my opinion of humanity.0115

Until next time…

EXCELSIOR, TRUE BELIEVERS!

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