The Fire Within


My advice to you is to close this browser tab and read something else.


I’m warning you. OK. You asked for it.

Yesterday, my bowel movement smelled like it was burning. Like smoke was literally coming out of my asshole.

Being a connoisseur of my own bouquet, if you will, I have come to expect certain notes or accents. Like Cartman so eloquently stated, poop (and its odor profile) can take many forms (skip to 00:48 in the video and enjoy!):

One fragrance I have never smelled is smoke. And I sure as hell did not go on WebMD to google my symptoms. I can just imagine the results of that search:

There are several conditions that match those symptoms:

  • Your colon is on fire.
  • A demon from the fifth circle of hell is farting in your anus.
  • You are definitely fucking cursed.
  • You are a witch and you’re melting but just at a really slow rate.
  • You are a Weredragon.
  • You have buttfire cancer.
  • It is the rapture and things aren’t looking good for you.

As I do with most of my problems (mental, physical, financial, etc) I decided to ignore it and hope it goes away. Luckily, scant minutes ago, my morning constitutional went off without a hitch and the scent was a well known one.

I just felt like the universe needed to know that. I am fairly certain this post was a very big mistake.

Remember to get a lot of fiber!



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