Dr. Nolove or: How I Learned to Stop Looking for Love or Anything Like It: Part 19: Estimated Time of Arrival

arrival.jpgPreamble: this is a dating advice series from a formerly long-suffering comrade in the struggle. I’m out of the game for life but I’m offering up some hard-earned wisdom for those still grappling. (See bottom of this post for the legend, mission statement, and credentials.)

“The trouble with being punctual is that nobody’s there to appreciate it.” –Franklin P. Jones

Here’s the deal. There are two kinds of daters. Those who arrive on time and those who don’t.

The most common argument for arriving late is that it shows you are busy and not incredibly pressed or overly anxious to see your date. It’s well established that too much overt interest and honesty, especially early on, can absolutely destroy your chances. For some dicks, arriving late or being the latest person to a thing is a statement of power; it says everyone else has to wait for you.

But I’m going to make the argument that being on time is the better play.

Let’s say your lady is an on-time arriver. If you’re late, she gets to pick the staging area in the bar and she may well get annoyed that you’re making her wait. These are two things you don’t want to happen. You don’t want to give a woman any indication that you don’t have your shit together, especially in today’s competitive dating culture. That shit might fly for 1st and 2nd caste level dudes, but for us common men we need to take every bit of extra luck we can get.

When you’re dating an on-time arriver, you need to start on her level.

What about when she’s late to arrive? Why should you bother being there on time if she’s not gonna be there?

“Better three hours too soon than a minute too late.” –William Shakespeare

If you haven’t seen The Wire, the best drama in the history of television, you need to get on that. Chris and Snoop, two lieutenants in a drug gang, made sure to advise Michael, an apprentice in the game if you will, that he should get always to a place much earlier than when shit’s supposed to go down. The leader of their gang, Marlo Stanfield, is just as clear: “Five. And five mean five. I don’t truck CP Time. Five and change; I’m gone.”


Eliminating the possibility of surprise minimizes your risk. Yes, I get that I’m comparing dating to gang banging. Why not? People make goddamn war analogies all the time.  I should be allowed to as well.

When you get to the bar early, you can pick your favorite place to sit. You can maximize your comfort zone. If she’s running late you will get credit when she arrives and you are waiting. She will inevitably apologize for being late. And you will inevitably say it is no big deal, gaining magnanimity points. Further, if she’s a perpetually late person, seeing another person arrive on time is like watching someone fly. It’s a superpower. It’s something they can’t seem to do. It is a display of competence. It is a display of potentially having your shit together.

It’s polite.

It’s considerate.

It’s competence.

It’s a tactical (yes, I know, another violent analogy) advantage.

Also: no chick has ever said “That dude is such a dick. He’s always on time.”

“Tardiness often robs us opportunity, and the dispatch of our forces.” –Niccolò Machiavelli


Mankind has given me many names. Among my names is Dr. NoLove, House Foolsrush, Thirteenth of My Name, the Burnt, King of the Unlucks and the Last Men, Khal of the Cul-de-sac, Breaker of Mine Own Heart, Big Baby Deezus, Father of the Rejections, the One True Holy and Apostolic Dating Jesus (the photo below is my cousin Buddy – we have the same chin).

All of these rubrics are meaningless.

I am the state (of dating).

I am the one scrub with many faces.

I am the erring and the untruth and the dullness.

Your finite measures cannot contain me.

I am become dating, the destroyer of love.

Mission Statement:

The key master is here, in the days after this shell’s darkest hour, to pass on the lessons we have learned after 7,882 days (we have dated 200+ women dated in 22 years) in this latest desert. I have suffered for your dating sins so you do not.


Who am I to comment on dating? 

  • 22 years of dating (IRL and Online)
  • Dating experience on three continents and seven major metropolitan areas
  • Early online dating adopter (suffering since 1996)
  • I’ve been on a date with 200+ unique, and all wonderful in their own way, women
  • Produced a 90,000 word creative writing portfolio devoted to online dating trials and, well, trials

#miracle #heterosexual #dating #datingadvice #platonic #loveislove #asexual #starwars #yoda #jesus #drstrangelove #buddyjesus #desert #sacrifice #wisdom #lessonslearned #agot #got #gameofthrones #khal #mentalhealth #depression #anxiety #teachablemoments

#dating #datingadvice #aesthetics #punctuality #tardiness #respect #strategy #machiavellian #courtship


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