Dr. Nolove or: How I learned to Stop Looking for Love or Anything Like It: Part 13 in an Ongoing Series: Dating Grammar: Fauxpositional Phrase

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Preamble: this is a dating advice series from a formerly long suffering comrade in the struggle. I’m out of the game for life but I’m offering up some hard earned wisdom for those still grappling. (See bottom of this post for legend, mission statement, and credentials.)

Dating Grammar Lesson 1: The Fauxpositional Phrase

Summary:

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Full:

When a prepositional phrase is used during rejection, the disser is ALWAYS lying; to the dissee, themselves, or both.

Translation Example:

Source language (Dating English):

Reginald: “Hey Esmerelda, wanna go out with me?”

Emeralda: “Oh, Reggie, thanks but I’m just not interested in going on dates with anyone RIGHT NOW.” Don plays it off and walks away, trying to seem like it’s no big thing.

Target language (English English):

Esmerelda: “I’m not interested in going on dates with you EVER.”

Analysis

We’ve all been Reggie. And, logically, the same amount of us would have had to have been Esmerelda. If you haven’t been either, you should be writing this post.

If Mike, the kind of dude that Esmerelda actually likes (as opposed to Reggie), were to walk around the corner a MILLISECOND after Reggie vanished and asked Esmerelda out, I can guarantee you our heroine would have sudden and complete amnesia with her regard to her availability for courtship.

The right guy? She’ll date him. RIGHT NOW.

DISCLAIMERS:

Mankind has given me many names. Among my names is Dr. NoLove, House Foolsrush, Thirteenth of My Name, the Burnt, King of the Unlucks and the Last Men, Khal of the Cul-de-sac, Breaker of Mine Own Heart, Big Baby Deezus, Father of the Rejections, the One True Holy and Apostolic Dating Jesus (the photo below is my cousin Buddy – we have the same chin).

All of these rubrics are meaningless.

I am the state (of dating).

I am the one scrub with many faces.

I am the erring and the untruth and the dullness.

Your finite measures cannot contain me.

I am become dating, the destroyer of love.

Mission Statement:

The key master is here, in the days after this shell’s darkest hour, to pass on the lessons we have learned after 7,882 days (we have dated 200+ women dated in 22 years) in this latest desert. I have suffered for your dating sins so you do not.

Credentials:

Who am I to comment on dating? 

  • 22 years of dating (IRL and Online)
  • Dating experience on three continents and seven major metropolitan areas
  • Early online dating adopter (suffering since 1996)
  • I’ve been on a date with 200+ unique, and all wonderful in their own way, women
  • Produced a 90,000 word creative writing portfolio devoted to online dating trials and, well, trials

#miracle #heterosexual #dating #datingadvice #platonic #loveislove #asexual #starwars #yoda #jesus #drstrangelove #buddyjesus #desert #sacrifice #wisdom #lessonslearned #agot #got #gameofthrones #khal #mentalhealth #depression #anxiety #teachablemoments

#dating #datingadvice #aesthetics #twoface #translation #grammar #preposition #prepositionalphrase #courtship #amnesia

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