The Worst Comic Book Based Movie Ranking of All Time

How do I really know that? Technically there could be much more worse rankings. It’s not like I’ve read every comic based movie ranking on the net.

How did I determine which movie nabbed the top spot and which sank to the bottom of the barrel? I can’t divulge the secret sauce but I swear on my dishonor that I’ve done my worst.

Who am I to make this grand pronouncement? I present my qualifications:

  • I have spent thousands of dollars and thousands of hours reading comic books
  • I have attended more comic book conventions than I want to admit
  • I have watched over 475 hours of comic book based movies (both in the theater and rentals at home)
  • I have spent far too much time reading books that review and analyze comics and/or movies
  • I have even tried my own hand at writing screenplays and comic books (both to pretty disastrous results).
  • I didn’t even ask a woman out until I was 21 because I was too busy whispering sweet nothings to *completely* anatomically realistic female characters in comic books.

Before I list them, three salient points:

  • If the movie ain’t on the list it’s because I don’t remember seeing it. I don’t care if you think it belongs (but feel free to mention it in the comments and I’ll probably check it out).
  • These are no non-English language films. I have nothing against them and I’ll be viewing and adding them as fast as I can.
  • In general, foreign and domestic, I’ll be adding to this ranking until I’ve seen every comic book based movie ever.

Ready? Let’s get ready to rrrrruuuuummmmmbbbblllllleeee!

  1. Spider-Man 2: Perfect.
  2. Logan: Simply soul crushing in the best way possible.
  3. Batman Begins: Awesome mostly. Ra’s al Ghul was a boring bad guy in the comic books and he’s also boring in the movies.
  4. Iron Man: Solid Gold.
  5. Spider-Man: Homecoming: Not a reboot; a revitalization.
  6. Spider-Man: The movie that launched the modern comic movie era.
  7. X2: X-Men United: Homo Superior.
  8. Kick-Ass: See name of movie.
  9. Thor: Ragnarok: There has never been a final installment to a trilogy that completely blew away the previous offerings.
  10. X-Men: Days of Future Past: Bryan Singer’s triumphant return.
  11. Avengers Infinity War Part 1: I wanted to be really bored and unimpressed with this movie. I wasn’t. I don’t think it could have been made any better.
  12. X-Men: Cool.
  13. Big Hero 6: Just fantastic.
  14. Black Panther: Wakanda forever!
  15. Deadpool 2: just like the first except a little funnier and a little better.
  16. Deadpool: This was a great introduction to an antihero I had only read about when he was humorless.
  17. The Avengers (2012): Unwieldy but pretty much the best it could be.
  18. Kick-Ass 2: Still cold kicking it.
  19. Hellboy II: The Golden Army: the rare sequel that is more fun than the original.
  20. A History of Violence: If it ain’t rough, it ain’t this movie.
  21. Doctor Strange: I did not expect to dig this. But I dug deep.
  22. X-Men Origins: Wolverine: A great start! But why didn’t they call it Weapon X?
  23. Captain America: The First Avenger: He’s the man.
  24. The Crow: RIP Brandon Lee.
  25. Ghost World: Introduced me to Scarlett Johansson. Thank you.
  26. Captain America: The Winter Soldier: Why is having one metallic arm so cool? It’s like the opposite of Michael Jackson’s sequin glove.  
  27. Ant-Man: Fun and funny. Pena’s storytelling flashback scenes are gut busting hilarious. 
  28. The Dark Knight: this was a big disappointment for me. Heath Ledger’s Joker is the best Joker ever, though. Without question. RIP. 
  29. Captain America: Civil War: The rare trilogy capper that maintained the quality and was faithful to original classic storyline. 
  30. Suicide Squad: Margot Robbie carries this movie on her perfect back and I can’t help myself: I had a blast.
  31. The Dark Knight Rises: Despite Bain’s CPAP, he was a chilling and cold complement to the Joker’s mania in the previous installment.
  32. Atomic Blonde: Charlize Theron is one bad ass, sexy motherfucker.
  33. Ant-Man and the Wasp: not as funny as the first but great things still come in very, very small packages.
  34. V for Vendetta: Vengeance is all of ours or: revenge is a dish best served British. 
  35. The Mask: Cameron Diaz was a Goddess descending to the mortal plane. has ever been. Jim Carrey was funny before his manic comedy performances got old. 
  36. X-Men: First Class: JLaw is so amazing. I used to love her so much. Not so much anymore. I’m a sucker for an origin story and this one did adequate work. 
  37. Superman II: You will kneel before Zod.
  38. Red: Any movie with Hellen Mirren is hella fun!
  39. Hellboy: Whenever Guillermo Del Toro directs, the film is going to be a visual smorgasbord. The story was fine too. 
  40. Avengers: Age of Ultron: Whedon deftly executes another Avengers movie where a lot could have gone wrong. Spader was brilliant as Ultron and Vision was portrayed cannily by Bettany.
  41. Watchmen: Maybe the best graphic novel ever. There was really no hope this could ever live up to the source material.
  42. Weird Science: The ultimate science fiction uber-nerd fantasy. Who wouldn’t want to design their perfect woman? The love triangle bit was weird, though. 
  43. Scott Pilgrim vs. the World: Anytime a geek gets to be a superhero, an angel gets its hand canons. 
  44. Red 2: still hella fun! I love these badass grumpy old timers. 
  45. The Lego Batman Movie: A one trick pony but still plenty of laughs and charming animation. But something just didn’t live up to the phenomenal Lego movie. 
  46. Justice League: This was actually a lot more fun then I thought it would be. It’s that DC has the opposite reputation of Marvel when it comes to movies. I don’t expect to be entertained. 
  47. Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer: The surfer is such a bad ass. he has got to be the coolest alien in the MCU. 
  48. Hulk: Ang Lee tried something different and I appreciate it. I didn’t love it but taking a creative swing earns my respect. 
  49. Superman: This might contain the worst scene in comic book movie history but Gene Hackman and Christopher Reeve earn this place in the list. 
  50. Green Lantern: I love Green Lantern. I love sci fi. I lust for Blake Lively. I’m fairly certain I haven’t met a single person who enjoyed this movie besides me. 
  51. The Wolverine: The Yakuza and Ninjas and Wolverine, oh my!
  52. Kingsmen: The Secret Service: The look was great. The fight choreography was fun. But overall the movie did not leave a lasting impression. 
  53. Constantine: Neo does his thing and Rachel Weisz always is a pleasure to watch. The CGI looks dated and the action set pieces are flatlines but there’s some good lines. 
  54. 30 Days of Night: nice, simple, novel premise. Fresh(er) take on vampires. Good cinematography. But its internal logic does not hold up. 
  55. Thor: The Dark World: The bad guy was cool – sort of like a dark space elf – but the movie was meh,  much like its predecessor. 
  56. Wonder Woman (2017): Overrated. The bad guy was boring. The fight scenes were staid. The humor was sparse. The plot was meh. Gal Gadot is pretty but (my advisers have redacted this section for my own good.).
  57. X-Men: Apocalypse: Everyone makes mistakes, right Bryan Singer? As the first and greatest mutant of all time, Apocalypse deserved much better than this. 
  58. 2 Guns: Denzel and Marky Mark have decent buddy cop chemistry and the dialogue is ok but other than a few novel moments, there’s nothing new to see here. 
  59. Timecop: JCVD! His best, and well actually, only great movie is Bloodsport. I wish I could get my time back after watching this movie. 
  60. Superman III: Pretty terrible. But Richard Pryor is in it, I guess? The internal logic in this film was terrible; a computer can hurt Superman. Please. 
  61. The Amazing Spider-Man: (reboot): Cash grab so Sony could keep the webslinger rights. They didn’t even have the decency to use a new villain. Snooze.
  62. The Amazing Spider-Man 2: Much like its predecessor in that it was completely uninspired. Jamie Foxx’s time has long since passed. 
  63. Sin City: The aesthetic was interesting. But the plot was so fascinating that I can’t remember a thing about it. And it gets old when EVERY character is brooding. 
  64. Road to Perdition: Casting Tom Hanks as a hitman was intriguing. Paul Newman as a mob boss had potential. But the plot was pedestrian with very few highlights. 
  65. American Splendor: Take Ghost World and make it boring and void of any hope or joy. But at least it was different. And there were a few laughs. 
  66. Batman (1989): Wowed me in 1989 but the poppy aesthetic and cheesy one liners just seem super lame and are not what people want from their dark knight.  
  67. Thor: Mediocre movie but Chris Hemsworth burgeoning comic chops and Norse mythology make it worth a watch, maybe. 
  68. Iron Man 2: A broke down Russian scientist outsmarts and out-techs Tony Stark? What a load of crap and what a lame villain. One of the worst sophomore slumps in movie trilogy history. 
  69. Fantastic Four (2005): I was never a big fan of the comic (except for the Walt Simonson run in the 90’s). Could they have made the Thing look any more lame?
  70. The Punisher (2004): Casting a blonde pretty boy as Frank Castle was BS. It didn’t work when they tried it with Dolph Lundgren, either. A darker energy is necessary, Casting Henry Rollins would have been the baller move.
  71. Men in Black: The aliens were cool looking but there’s nothing unique about this buddy cop movie with a sci fi veneer.
  72. Iron Man 3: The major twist in this movie might be the dumbest and most pointless twist in comic book movie history. Not that the rest of the movie was working well. 
  73. The Punisher: War Zone: They decided to cover the iconic skull emblem and dress the punisher in a bulky body armor suit. And that was the smallest problem with the movie.
  74. Blade: Take everything classy about vampires and turn it into a Dracula meets the Punisher crapfest. And Mr. Snipes, frowning all the time is not acting. 
  75. The Incredible Hulk: Ed Norton has the charm of oral surgery. He should take lessons from his costar Tim Roth, who is always a compelling screen presence. The rest of the movie is not memorable. 
  76. X-Men: The Last Stand: F*ck you, Brett Ratner. F*ck you all the way to hell.
  77. Batman Returns: This whole movie was depressing. It’s like the studio gave Tim Burton his ultimate dream to go completely dark after the predecessor made a gazillion dollars. 
  78. Mystery Men: Some funny character names and a few good laughs but absolutely nothing mysterious about this formulaic action comedy. 
  79. From Hell: Jack the Ripper’s story is fascinating. This movie is anything but. I completely forgot Heather Graham was in this movie. She looks good as a ginger. 
  80. Blade II: I can’t even remember a thing about this movie. I consider that a blessing. The sunglasses at night are incredibly stupid. 
  81. The Rocketeer: Never reaches escape velocity.
  82. Judge Dredd: Great comic. But Sly was not the right casting call for this movie and visual effects were clunky but not as clunky as the plot. 
  83. Spider-Man 3: Fall from grace. Why Sam Raimi why? He fell into the same old trap: too many characters. The shortchanged Venom AND casted Topher Grace. Are you kidding? Also, it included a terrible musical singing number for f*ck’s sake. 
  84. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: The original comic book was black and white, edgy, sharp and brutal. This was the complete opposite. 
  85. Men in Black II: Remember when Johnny Knoxville was trying to be a movie actor? Yeah that worked out about as well as this movie. 
  86. Ghost Rider: The character has a great look and a classic mythological story. Spawn was a lame ripoff of the the Ghost Rider. Unfortunately, this starred Nicholas Cage. And it’s no Con Air. 
  87. Sin City: A Dame to Kill For: the look was only borderline cool for the first installment. Now it’s been done before and the writing didn’t get any better. What happened, Frank Miller?
  88. Superman Returns: The effects were, of course, far better than any of the original quadrology’s. But the performances were pedestrian and the story was a retread. I’ll still watch his great movies but it is weird watching Kevin Spacey now, right?
  89. Batman Forever: I liked Jim Carrey. But then they threw in a Tommy Lee Jones version of Two Face (that should be redacted from the video archive), an extraneous Batgirl, and Robin. And forgot to make the movie decent. 
  90. Men in Black III: Why? Other than money, I have no idea. Who was clamoring for this? Josh Brolin, you should of known better. 
  91. Bulletproof Monk: The still below is emblematic of the movie. Seann William Scott looking ridiculous and Chow Yun-fat is thinking about how big of a yacht he can buy with his pay for this flick. 
  92. Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance: Revenge? Sure. But against the moviegoers who paid to see this movie. Nic Cage, can’t you just leave us alone?
  93. Daredevil: Ben Affleck should stick to directing and groping people who are interviewing him. Whoever decided to cast him as Batman clearly never saw this. 
  94. Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice: DC has no shortage of wonderful graphic novel source material. I’m convinced everyone lose their minds over Wonder Woman because DC managed to make a competent movie. 
  95. The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen: Does not even rise to the level of ordinary. Again, fantastic source material; you really should read it. 
  96. Man of Steel: They tried to make Supes a moody loaner aka the Hulk tv show in the 80’s. That’s not him. Never has been. Also because they can’t be original, they reused the Zod storyline (even though I did like the Krypton scenes).
  97. Howard the Duck: what the hell? His cameo in Guardians of the Galaxy was better than this entire movie. But I do have a soft spot for terrible 80’s flicks. 
  98. Superman IV: The Quest for Peace: This has to be the worst ending in comic book movie history. And it’s not like the rest of the movie was a prize. 
  99. Fantastic Four (2015): By far Michael B. Jordan’s worst movie. This was not a reboot. It was an execution. 
  100. Blade: Trinity: Three times as sh*tty as the two others in the franchise. Turned Dracula into a hybrid Aliens type sci fi monster, robbing the iconic character of any integrity. 
  101. Alien vs Predator (2004): Two great tastes that definitely did not taste well together.
  102. Batman & Robin: The absolute worst of the late 20th century bat flicks. This movie almost single handedly aborted the comic book based movie revolution. I did laugh at a couple of the horrifically terrible puns. 
  103. Catwoman: It takes a lot to make me hate a movie in which Halle Berry is nearly naked.  But they pulled it off. 
  104. Bad Kids Go To Hell: I can’t logically argue that this is a better movie than 300. I don’t think I’ve seen a worse movie. I was actively rooting for the killer because it meant that particular actor wouldn’t have more lines. Hell would be having to watch this on loop.
  105. 300: For me this represents everything that is wrong with modern movie making. It is an homage to style over heart. It is entirely about beauty and disdains brains. And the fact that it was a box office smash confirms my opinion of humanity. 

Until next time…


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#joshhartnett #benfoster #dannyhuston #30daysofnight #juddnelson #badkidsgotohell

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