Dr. Nolove or: How I learned to Stop Looking for Love or Anything Like It: Part 11 in an Ongoing Series: Dance Chemistry


Preamble: this is a dating advice series from a formerly long suffering comrade in the struggle. I’m out of the game for life but I’m offering up some hard earned wisdom for those still grappling. (See bottom of this post for legend, mission statement, and credentials.)

Back 1999-2002, I took a shit load of swing dancing lessons and I went swing dancing all the time. For part of that time, swing was enjoying high popularity. You’d see all kinds of civilians filling up swing dancing floors and clubs added swing rooms to satisfy the demand. I got pretty good and it was decent exercise. I even got some dates out of it but I was too young and misguided at the time to take full advantage of my opportunities.

But I can acquit myself on a dance floor now if I need to and that’s a good life skill. It’s good exercise. It’s fun. If you’re teleported back to the antebellum south, you can acquire yourself properly at a soirée. It’s an especially good skill to have If you’re still in the struggle. Women have been proven to rate men who can dance well as more attractive than men who cannot dance well WITH the mens’ obscured.

I decided to take ballroom dancing classes (which eventually turned into strictly swing dancing courses) because I thought that would help me get ladies. Looking back now, I don’t think I convinced any women to go to bed with me because of how I danced. Eventually I just had fun dancing and I made some swing dancing friends. But even though it became a social and exercise activity, I kept going largely because I thought it would help me get laid.

With dancing, just as with dating, there exists an unquantifiable, unpredictable and unparalleled thing called chemistry. It’s another example of how we’re more feral than we want to admit. It doesn’t matter whose the better dancer or if they’re at the same level. It doesn’t matter if they’ve never danced together (at least initially – I suppose you can fight your way to chemistry but that’s not the chemistry I’m speaking of here; I’m talking about organic, unmanufactured chemistry). When you start moving with someone who is on your dance frequency, it’s effortless. She can predict you. You can rely on her. She can process the slightest, almost imperceptible signal from you and glide accordingly. It’s so much fun. You’re both whirling around with smiles on your faces, laughing about how lucky you are to be together on this dance floor.

I had a few friends who I had good dance chemistry with but one stood apart. She was witty, brilliant, gorgeous, and just the right height (this matters in dancing). It was never anything romantic between us (she was and is so far out my league that it’s not even the same sport). But man did we have fun dancing together. There was even one charming moment when, after I had just finished dancing with another lovely lady friend with whom I had excellent chemistry, master chemist told me that she didn’t like to see me canoodling with other dancers who were so cute and skilled. It warmed my black heart.


Mankind has given me many names. Among my names is Dr. NoLove, House Foolsrush, Thirteenth of My Name, the Burnt, King of the Unlucks and the Last Men, Khal of the Cul-de-sac, Breaker of Mine Own Heart, Big Baby Deezus, Father of the Rejections, the One True Holy and Apostolic Dating Jesus (the photo below is my cousin Buddy – we have the same chin).

All of these rubrics are meaningless.

I am the state (of dating).

I am the one scrub with many faces.

I am the erring and the untruth and the dullness.

Your finite measures cannot contain me.

I am become dating, the destroyer of love.

Mission Statement:

The key master is here, in the days after this shell’s darkest hour, to pass on the lessons we have learned after 7,882 days (we have dated 200+ women dated in 22 years) in this latest desert. I have suffered for your dating sins so you do not.


Who am I to comment on dating? 

  • 22 years of dating (IRL and Online)
  • Dating experience on three continents and seven major metropolitan areas
  • Early online dating adopter (suffering since 1996)
  • I’ve been on a date with 200+ unique, and all wonderful in their own way, women
  • Produced a 90,000 word creative writing portfolio devoted to online dating trials and, well, trials

#miracle #heterosexual #dating #datingadvice #platonic #loveislove #asexual #starwars #yoda #jesus #drstrangelove #buddyjesus #desert #sacrifice #wisdom #lessonslearned #agot #got #gameofthrones #khal #mentalhealth #depression #anxiety #teachablemoments

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