Dr. Nolove or: How I learned to Stop Looking for Love or Anything Like It or: Part 7 in an Ongoing Series: Date or date not. There is no try.

Preamble: this is a dating advice series from a formerly long suffering comrade in the struggle. I’m out of the game for life but I’m offering up some hard earned wisdom for those still grappling. (See bottom of this post for a full biography and mission statement.)




Most of us who have been in the dating shit have been here:

‘let’s see here…new text from broomhilda…I mean the first date was ok I guess…maybe I should give her another try…I mean thing X was cool about her but I’m not down with thing Y…I better text all my friends to ask their opinion about this…and then I’ll think about it some more.’

Because I’m a giant geek I’m going to paraphrase Yoda, legendary Jedi Master in the Star Wars universe: Date or date not. There is no try.

If you have to survey your friends and weigh pros and cons, you aren’t dating, you’re conducting research. You are in denial. You are wasting your time and their time.

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been on both sides of this paradigm. I’ve wasted so much fucking time trying to convince myself that I was or could be attracted to a woman. I say it’s a waste because EVERY SINGLE TIME I went out with a woman I was feeling “try”, it never worked out. To be fair, it’s never really worked out at all for me, even when I was absolutely into the particular lady. Maybe I shouldn’t be writing this. Nah, fuck it. I’ll keep writing.

I can already feel the wave of stories coming at me about how person x wasn’t convinced about person y right away or person x was super persistent and won person y over.

I don’t have a great retort for that. The best answer I have to this is that the person who was unsure wasn’t really unsure. Maybe they were afraid of their feelings or maybe they really didn’t want anything serious or whatever. But deep in the dark night, when they were all alone, safely nestled in one of the layers of their consciousness was the absolute, real interest in that person.

You can lie to yourself. That’s probably the most human of traditions. But even if you fool your friends or your superego or ego, the truth is burrowed deep in one of the most sensitive grooves of your soul.

You should never have to convince yourself. You just have to listen to yourself.





My name is Dr. NoLove, first of my name, the burnt, King of the Mees and the Last Men, Khal of the so so suburban cul-de-sac, Breaker of My own heart , father of Anxieties, and the one and only Dating Jesus (the following photo is my cousin Buddy – we have the same chin).

I have been dating since before time began and in my most recent incarnation as Dr. NoLove, I have endeavored to face dating’s monsters so you wouldn’t have to.

Mission Statement:

I am here, in the days after my own darkest hour, to pass on the lessons I’ve learned after 7,882 days in the dating desert. I have made these mistakes so you don’t have to.




#miracle #heterosexual #dating #datingadvice #platonic #loveislove #asexual #starwars #yoda #jesus #drstrangelove #buddyjesus #desert #sacrifice #wisdom #lessonslearned #agot #got #gameofthrones #khal #mentalhealth #depression #anxiety #teachablemoments

#ambivalence #certainty

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