Dr. NoLove the Dating Jesus or How I learned to Stop Looking for Love or Anything Like It: Part 6 in an Ongoing Series: An Ode to Heterosexual Women

Preamble: this is a dating advice series from a formerly long suffering comrade in the struggle. I’m out of the game for life but I’m offering up some hard earned wisdom for those still grappling with love or something like it. See bottom of post for a full biography and mission statement.

As a heterosexual man, and a relatively unattractive one at that (and getting uglier by the minute), I always found it to be a fucking miracle that heterosexual women existed. Seriously I get that what gender and/or genders you are attracted to is not a choice but it has to be a cruel curse from an angry vengeful god to make a woman attracted to men when she could be attracted to women.

Here is my ode to these poor, unfortunate creatures:




Thank you for existing. Each one of you is a goddamn miracle.





My name is Dr. NoLove, first of my name, the burnt, King of the Mees and the Last Men, Khal of the so so suburban cul-de-sac, Breaker of My own heart , father of Anxieties, and the one and only Dating Jesus (see the following photo of my cousin Buddy – we have the same chin).

I have been dating since before time began and in my most recent incarnation, Dr. NoLove, I have endeavored to date for all of you in the struggle. But unlike your famous carpenter, I was defeated by dating. I had to surrender. If you want to know why, see this.

Mission Statement:

I am here, in the days after my own darkest hour, to pass on the lessons I’ve learned after 7,882 days in the dating desert. I have made these mistakes so you don’t have to.




#miracle #heterosexual #dating #datingadvice #platonic #loveislove #asexual

#ode #curse #cursed

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