Dr. Nolove or: How I learned to Stop Looking for Love or Anything Like It or: Part 3 in an Ongoing series: Double Standard #1

I’ve swapped a lot of dating stories with friends, of both binary genders and of multiple sexual orientations. I’ve read a shit ton of heterosexual (and a smattering of bisexual) female profiles.

I’ve accumulated a lot of knowledge in the area of dating. I definitely wouldn’t say wisdom. I’m now out of the game completely but I have a lot of venting to do since I spent so much time and money on insanity.

Today I’ll talk about one of the double standards in dating. There are several of them and they quite frankly often benefit men over women. But since I’m a heterosexual dude and I’m bitching from my perspective, this is one of them that definitely lean more favorably to the ladies.

In both profile and live form, I’ve had smart, considerate women who I either care about very much or who seem reasonable, tell me some version of the following statement:

“If a man doesn’t love his mother, then he must hate women. He must be avoided.”

I have spoken to many heterosexual male friends about women and dating. Never, not once, not ever, has any man told me anything that remotely resembles the following:

“If a woman doesn’t love her father, then she must hate men. She must be avoided.”

Why is that?

I’ll tackle the men who don’t love their mothers bit first.

I think it has to do with the mystical quality attributed to motherhood. It’s the miracle of life, haven’t you heard? Here’s The Oxford definition of a miracle:

“An extraordinary and welcome event that is not explicable by natural or scientific laws and is therefore attributed to a divine agency.”

Is birth extraordinary? Let’s see. It’s happened BILLIONS of time and 250 people are born EVERY MINUTE. So I’m gonna day no.

Is a birth a welcome event (well the definition requires it to be both welcome AND extraordinary so since we’ve disproved the latter there’s no real need to disprove the former but I’m game anyway)? I will grant you that a lot of people welcome the birth of a child. Do all people welcome it? No.

Is birth not explicable by natural or scientific laws? No. Google “obstetrics”.

Since it’s not applicable by science (oh wait, it is) then it must be divine. The premise is demonstrably false so, sue me, I’m not a believer.

So we’ve established that birth is not a miracle. Is it a good thing? That depends on a lot of factors. But I’ll go ahead and give it to you that many people believe it is a good thing. Does the woman go through tremendous psychological and physiological challenges to deliver a baby? Certainly. It’s a significant physiological and psychological event. So it’s not easy.

I think most people ascribe a supernatural quality to birth. I think a lot of people think babies are cute. I don’t sympathize with either of those statements. But I realize I’m an outlier. And I’m good with that. So it does follow that if I dislike this amazing creature called “mother” who has magical powers and can squeeze out a cute creature through one of her bodily cavities, then I must hate all women.

What? That’s not logically sound? You don’t say.

Well it’s what most ladies seem to believe. To them, all the female friendships I have are false. I actually secretly hate all my female friends. I actually hate my sister. I hate all my other female relatives. Man, I sure do hate a lot of people.

I used to be all angry about that characterization. I felt victimized. I would laud my many friendships with ladies and how I cared about many of my female relatives whenever I told someone I strongly detested and disrespected my mother. It didn’t matter. Once I volunteered that my mother was (and IS) a horrible person, Gloria Steinem herself could materialize next to me and say “No, I swear, this guy doesn’t hate women. He’s an ally!” and it wouldn’t matter. You could see the change in the woman’s expression. You could literally see me being categorized from “potential date” to “women hater”. They’d agree with me in that moment. But I never heard from them again. So eventually I just started telling women very vague but absolutely (dishonest) positive characterizations of my mother. Otherwise I was never going to get laid (back when that mattered a lot to me).

Now? Fuck it. Pussy no longer has any power over me. I don’t regret the thousands of hours of stress and sadness and tens of thousands of dollars I spent in the insane pursuit of women. I actually stand in amazement of my history. It’s like I was a space traveling sentient penguin looking for a new home-world for my people because all the ice had melted on my alternate earth. But it turned out the galactic map I was given was pointing me to Tatooine.

That wild goose chase is DONE. Now I can speak my mind and the heterosexual female dating cabal is powerless to stop me or reprimand me. So here goes: My mother is a terrible human being. I don’t love her at all. I don’t respect her at all. I have plenty of reasons for those statements but I feel zero pressure or desire to explain it to you all.

And I don’t give a fuck if you think less of me.

The other obvious reason mothers get a supernatural commendation is that they “gave you life.” Certainly, from a biological perspective it would be silly to argue that a mother did not do the absolute lion’s share of creating a new person; of “giving life”.

But, you see, that’s not where life ends. That’s just where it begins. The Republican model is satisfied with just delivering the fetus. It doesn’t care what happens afterwards. The fetus better have a decent family because society, and certainly not tax dollars, should be counted on to help it. Similarly, it seems, no matter what crimes I might list, my gratitude for this precious gift of life should outweigh any and all transgressions my mother has committed (and been confronted about and feels no remorse for).

You’re saying that’s not what you meant? That I don’t have to love my mother if she did such and such terrible things? That’s nice of you to say not that I need your fucking approval but the plain fact remains that nearly every single woman I’ve ever revealed my opinion about my mother to AND who I also listed her transgressions either didn’t think the transgressions warranted my feelings towards my mother so that made me a woman hater or somehow agreed that I had a reasonable grievance but still, despite that incredible assent, never spoke to me again or wanted to get together with me again.

Was it something I said?

So that’s one of the many reasons I’m identifying as a grey ace now (google it). I’m done being made to feel bad or scared about telling the truth. I know all my female readers (I think I only have one – my friend B. B.) think I hate women now so I won’t bother trying to convince anyone otherwise. But man am I glad women no longer have any non-platonic power over me anymore. That probably comes off as misogynistic but you’ve already determined by this point in this post that I hate women so I guess I’m not guilty of any further crime except being redundant or writing poorly.

So that’s what I think about the common lady platitude about men who don’t like their mothers and that this fact indicates they hate women.

I don’t think much of it.

And I really don’t give a fuck if you do.

Really not necessary note: no I don’t think all mothers are terrible. I’m just saying being a mother does not make you a good person.

Now, to my fellow heterosexual men. The converse: if a dude hates her dad, she hates all men.


Never. Not once. So obviously I don’t have anything further to say about it.

What’s that?

What about dudes dissing ladies with “daddy issues”?

That warrants an entire post by itself but I’ll give you a super short summary of why that’s not the same. I’ll produce a short play to illustrate it.

Dude 1: whats up with that Irish bar chick yet?

Dude 2: I dunno, brah. She has daddy issues.

Dude 1: so?

Dude 2: crazy gets old.

Dude 1: yeah but crazy means wild sex.

Dude 2: true. Alright, you convinced me. I’ll keep on.

Dude 1: nice. Pass the pitcher.

That’s it. A woman with “daddy issues” might not be someone a man would want to date long term or marry. But no man has ever said that a woman with “daddy issues” hates all men. Or even dislikes all men. In fact if it wasn’t for bad fathers, the strip club industry might not exist.

Yeah, I know. That was clearly a misogynistic joke from a woman hating man.

I am whatever you say I am.

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