(If you’re curious, my review process. It’s also pasted at the end of this post. I don’t believe in Rotten Tomatoes. I just believe in me.)
(***all-purpose SPOILER ALERT*** there may be some in this review)
SW score: 25
2.5 out of 5 octopi
I have a lot of feelings about this movie. Which is weird since the movie itself elicited virtually no feelings. I’ve had a bigger emotional reaction from a chapter in a software engineering text.
First off, it was probably doomed from the start. The guys who directed the brilliant LEGO movie left right in the middle so they had to scramble and they got Ron Howard, a consummate professional and seemingly all-around nice guy. I’ve enjoyed a lot of his movies. But there’s not one single movie he’s directed that I would ever describe as amazing. He makes solid, decidedly safe, quality movies (usually). This was probably one of the worst movies he has directed.
It just completely lacked anything with a pulse. I had very low expectations going in. I’m not a purist. I don’t give a shit about plot holes or reverence or canon or whatever the fuck. I just want to be entertained.
I was, in no way, shape, or form, entertained.
That said, go see it. Only because I want it to make a shit load of money so they keep churning out Star Wars flicks.
I’ve also updated my Star Wars films ranking to include this flick:
The Darth Maul reveal at the end was terrible. They took a character who was so vibrant and raw and angry that he literally never spoke and made him sound like a member of the British parliament except with those guys and gals at least sometimes have witty lines. They managed to take the ONLY good thing from the prequels and neutered him.
(1) Shark Wrighter (SW) Score: Based on a sum of 5 sub-scores (acting, directing, writing/story, effects: cinematography &/or animation &/or special effects, editing) with 1 being terrible and 10 being terrific.
(2) Octopuses (0-5 🐙, with 5 being fantastic and 0 being feces)
(3) Octopuses are my unquantifiable feeling…not that SW score is scientific…but this one is even less so
(4) ++ This optional section includes any incredibly *brilliant observations that don’t fit into simple quantitative slices like the scores and octopuses *(they are likely NOT brilliant)