Cannibalism (a rerun for banal reasons)

I’ve been thinking of the #metoo movement and the modern 24 Hour news cycle and I’ve been thinking that I’m really fucking grateful that no bored investigative reporter has put me under the microscope. I’m no Harvey Weinstein and in the workplace I have never, hand to Flying Spaghetti Monster, asked out or told a lewd joke or abused my power (well I’ve never had any of that) in all my days.

If there was an investigation into my general lack of integrity, they would probably ship me off to a remote island in Micronesia around which they would erect a huge fence so that I could never endanger another person again for the rest of my life and of course, being America, they wouldn’t bother to check the island for indigenous people before they made it my prison and I would be left with some poor unfortunate natives who never did anything to deserve their fate. And I would probably end up eating them.