A Considered Response To Mr. Stan Lee’s Query On A Person’s Infinity Stone Preference

Yesterday, Stan Lee tweeted:

If you could possess any of the six Infinity Stones, which would it be and why? #AvengersInfinityWar

I’mma answer.

Let’s go one by one:

Space stone (blue): let’s the user be anywhere in space instantly. As a commuter in the DC region, this is very appealing. Not to mention how shitty air travel is for a low income dude like me. Teleportation is mad cool. And Nightcrawler is my favorite X-Man.

Mind stone (yellow): you get all the mind powers: telepathy, telekinesis, super mind control, etc. Bending people to your will would be pretty sweet. I can think of a lot of shit I would do with that kind of power. This might lead me into sheer evil genius mode, though.

Reality stone (red): you get to warp reality to your liking. There sure is a lot of things I would change. But again I wouldn’t of probably abuse this power and become a great force of evil in the universe.

Power stone (purple): augments your physical abilities to godlike levels and lets you manipulate energy. You can blow up a planet or beat up the hulk. That’s pretty badass. As a total wimp and physical coward, it would be pretty awesome to be able to stand up to bullies.

Time stone (green): lets you control time in almost every way conceivable. As a plot device, I hate time travel. It makes everything possible so everything is meaningless. I hate it. But as someone whose a noted fuck up, I readily acknowledge the temptation to go back and undo all my mistakes. But would I just end up fucking up in different ways? And then have to go fix those? And then get caught in a sisyphusian circle?

Soul stone: apparently possibly the most dangerous stone but not much is known about it. I’m not willing to pay a personal cost to get it (a requirement) and there’s no telling what it does so this one holds little appeal to me.

So, the envelope please.

The 5th runner up of the Sharkwrighter infinity stone beauty pageant is:

Soul stone – can’t be excited about this since it sucks to get and I have no idea what it does.

The 4th runner up:

Time stone: undeniably powerful but I just hate time travel and I don’t want to deal with this shit.

The 3rd runner up:

Reality stone: again, super powerful, but it just seems like a lot of damn work to have to be creating a reality I like all the time. I’m too lazy.

The 2nd runner up:

Power stone: I’ve always wanted to be a tough guy.

The 1st runner up:

Space stone: I just think being able to be anywhere instantly would seriously decrease the amount of bullshit I have to deal with and be totes fun.

And the winner is:

The mind stone! I wanna be super smart and be able to control people’s minds (mostly so I can just get them to leave me the fuck alone). And moving shit with my mind and telepathy and all those powers are way cool. If those skills are good enough for Professor X then they are good enough for me.

#stanlee #thanos #infinitygauntlet #infinitywar #avengers #avengersinfinitywar #mindstone #timestone #spacestone #powerstone #soulstone #coldstone (j/k) #realitystone #regrets #nightcrawler #xmen

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