The Time I Met “Maggie Smith”

I got a cold. I rarely get colds or even sick. It’s kind of a miracle because while dudes like John Cena seem to treat their bodies like a temple, I treat mine like a dive bar. The food sucks and the booze is too cheap and too plentiful. And I’ve literally exercised 10 times total (this is not hyperbole) since 2009. I guess my immune system is just really good or something. I dunno. My metabolism used to be rip roaring too but that shit stopped when I hit 25. Maybe my immune system is finally the hitting the wall. I figured this would happen sooner or later. I better enjoy my last few years on Earth. Time to start saving up for better drugs and travel destinations.

So I’m really grumpy and irritable right now so I’ll just relate a nice conversation I had recently with a lady (especially since my post yesterday was SUPER negative even by my cynical standards).

I was looking for a seat and the first open one was next to an older woman and most of my older relatives are giant pains in the ass. So I’m often initially wary of the elderly. But then I remember: why should I paint this woman with the same brush that colors my family? No one should be convicted of that without a fair trial.

I took my seat and gave a polite nod to her. She reminded me of Maggie Smith because she had this sharp look in her eye that said “I have assessed you and you are nothing special.” I like that. Mean old ladies are probably (outside of my family) some of my most favorite people. They talk shit so elegantly and filled with decades of accumulated venom and wisdom. I hope I’m a mean old lady if I live to old age.

She looked down at my blue suede shoes.

“Elvis fan?” She asked.

“Always,” I replied.

She smiled and took a sip from her cocktail. Normally I’d be about three drinks deep but I was teetotaling cause I have a shitty cold.

She spied a person taking a selfie.

“Have you ever taken one of those selfies?” She asked.

“Sure, I’ve taken a few.” I replied.

Her eyes narrowed. “Really, why?” She asked.

I replied “I drink a lot.”

There might have been an almost imperceptible nod but I can’t be sure. She was probably too cool to betray even a hint of a reaction, though.

She stated “I’d hope I’m dead before I take one of those.”

I smiled.

“Come on,” I said. “It’s not all that terrible, is it?”

She shrugged. I smiled.

That’s really all I got for today. We continued to chat and laugh about various things for a bit of time.

I knew “Maggie Smith” would be cool when I met her in person.

#cold #sick #immunesystem #elvis #johncena #booze #drugs #metabolism #maggiesmith #wiser #grumpy #elvis #exercise #cynic #cocktail #rolemodel #lifegoals

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