These are 100 things I hate. Why am I listing 100 things I hate? It amuses me. I’ll explain the ones I think could benefit from explanation or my dumbass commentary:

1. Folding laundry

2. How my goddamn cloth napkin keeps falling off my lap at a restaurant

3. Trying on clothes to see if they fit

4. Waking up before 10 AM

5. Being part of a group that has decided not to split the check evenly

6. Elementary school; I have a distinct memory of hating school since 2nd grade

7. High school

8. Throwing up; seriously I’d rather be hungover for 2 days

9. Brushing my teeth when all I wanna do is go to bed

10. Hugging Assholes

11. Meetings

12. Interacting with most teenagers

13. Interacting with most toddlers

14. Interacting with most Children between toddler age and tween age

15. Interacting with most tweens

16. Interacting with most babies

17. Interacting with bros

18. Interacting with Assholes

19. Interacting with socially conservative people

20. (Hate to but will always) Voting for the Democratic Party

21. Lying to people I care about

22. Talking about the value of capitalism with any fiscal conservative

23. Talking about abortion with anyone who is socially conservative

24. Talking about gun rights with any gun rights advocate

25. Scanning through online dating profiles to find someone who isn’t terrible and might respond to me

26. Swiping right

27. Swiping left

28. Working for a living

29. Nodding and smiling politely when, at any social gathering, a woman says she’ll be right back . The end of the universe will arrive before that happens.

30. Being supervised by idiots

31. The mass shooting phenomenon’s tired and repetitive and useless reaction cycle from outraged gun control advocates and repugnant gun rights Assholes

32. The NRA, Gun Owners of America and all other gun rights assholes and/or their organizations

33. People who can’t take a fucking hint

34. Organized religion

35. The fake news con

36. The American Dream con

37. My liberal arts degree

38. Waking up at 7 in the goddamn morning in summer to go to swim team practice where the water is fucking freezing and I’m objectively the worst athlete there

39. Showing my, frankly, perfectly decent report card to my father and ALWAYS getting the disappointment face

40. When I’m paying over $120 per month for “fast” internet and it’s going slow. Jesus fucking christ

41. Tailgaters

42. The Tea Party and all of its members and/or supporters

43. Slow drivers in the left lane

44. Rubbernecking

45. People who have ever said “The south will rise again” in a non-ironic fashion

46. Strippers who don’t fake interest well or are super lazy. A good work ethic is something I admire in ANY profession

47. Anise-flavored alcohol

48. People who are rude to service industry workers

49. Every single Republican congressperson or senator or judge

50. The Koch (pronounced COCK) brothers

51. How hangovers increase in duration with every year I get older

52. People who bring their babies to movies

53. FOX News

54. Cops who never criticize the cop who shot and killed a person in dubious circumstances (regardless of the reason they are being silent)

55. Cops who pulled the trigger in those situations

56. Most cops

57. Like 97.5% of cops

58. Maybe more than 97.5%

59. Nosy fuckers

60. Many of my family members

61. Internet trolls

62. Bro’s

63. The fucking wind – worst element ever

64. Slow internet connection in general

65. Frozen screen (on any kind of device: smartphone, laptop, tablet, desktop)

66. Letting my true opinion accidentally slip in a relaxed, chill situation

67. How the corporate world was and still is faithfully represented by the movie Office Space (it’s a hilarious movie; living the reality not so much)

68. George Lucas, from May 19, 1999 to present

69. Writing an online dating profile

70. Taking photos for an online dating profile

71. Online dating

72. Having to buy new pants because I’ve yet again gotten too fat

73. Being ordinary in almost every conceivable way

74. The Latin obsession with death

75. People who are loud as fuck in the office at 7:30 AM

76. Hypocrisy, especially my own

77. The vast majority, and in some cases ALL, of the movies of Brett Ratner, Michael Bay and, sad to say, Paul Thomas Anderson

78. Disappointing people I care about

79. Medstar Washington Hospital Center

80. The private healthcare system in the USA

81. Citibank

82. 95% of cyclists in the District of Columbia

83. Working out

84. All manner of asshole not specifically identified in this list

85. People who microwave fish at the office

86. The “scraper” at the dentist

87. Having blood drawn

88. Tardiness

89. When people reveal their true, dark colors

90. Coming to the realization that ignorance is truly bliss

91. Fake ass motherfuckers

92. Enablers

93. Jargon

94. Catholicism especially

95. The elusiveness of patience

96. God, as it is depicted by the vast majority of religions

97. The fingernail chalkboard scraping sound that is the voice of someone you hate

98. Claiming you are not selling out when you absolutely are

99. The lack of and existence of self awareness

100. Never learning


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