These are 100 things I hate. Why am I listing 100 things I hate? It amuses me. I’ll explain the ones I think could benefit from explanation or my dumbass commentary:
1. Folding laundry
2. How my goddamn cloth napkin keeps falling off my lap at a restaurant
3. Trying on clothes to see if they fit
4. Waking up before 10 AM
5. Being part of a group that has decided not to split the check evenly
6. Elementary school; I have a distinct memory of hating school since 2nd grade
7. High school
8. Throwing up; seriously I’d rather be hungover for 2 days
9. Brushing my teeth when all I wanna do is go to bed
10. Hugging Assholes
11. Meetings
12. Interacting with most teenagers
13. Interacting with most toddlers
14. Interacting with most Children between toddler age and tween age
15. Interacting with most tweens
16. Interacting with most babies
17. Interacting with bros
18. Interacting with Assholes
19. Interacting with socially conservative people
20. (Hate to but will always) Voting for the Democratic Party
21. Lying to people I care about
22. Talking about the value of capitalism with any fiscal conservative
23. Talking about abortion with anyone who is socially conservative
24. Talking about gun rights with any gun rights advocate
25. Scanning through online dating profiles to find someone who isn’t terrible and might respond to me
26. Swiping right
27. Swiping left
28. Working for a living
29. Nodding and smiling politely when, at any social gathering, a woman says she’ll be right back . The end of the universe will arrive before that happens.
30. Being supervised by idiots
31. The mass shooting phenomenon’s tired and repetitive and useless reaction cycle from outraged gun control advocates and repugnant gun rights Assholes
32. The NRA, Gun Owners of America and all other gun rights assholes and/or their organizations
33. People who can’t take a fucking hint
34. Organized religion
35. The fake news con
36. The American Dream con
37. My liberal arts degree
38. Waking up at 7 in the goddamn morning in summer to go to swim team practice where the water is fucking freezing and I’m objectively the worst athlete there
39. Showing my, frankly, perfectly decent report card to my father and ALWAYS getting the disappointment face
40. When I’m paying over $120 per month for “fast” internet and it’s going slow. Jesus fucking christ
41. Tailgaters
42. The Tea Party and all of its members and/or supporters
43. Slow drivers in the left lane
44. Rubbernecking
45. People who have ever said “The south will rise again” in a non-ironic fashion
46. Strippers who don’t fake interest well or are super lazy. A good work ethic is something I admire in ANY profession
47. Anise-flavored alcohol
48. People who are rude to service industry workers
49. Every single Republican congressperson or senator or judge
50. The Koch (pronounced COCK) brothers
51. How hangovers increase in duration with every year I get older
52. People who bring their babies to movies
53. FOX News
54. Cops who never criticize the cop who shot and killed a person in dubious circumstances (regardless of the reason they are being silent)
55. Cops who pulled the trigger in those situations
56. Most cops
57. Like 97.5% of cops
58. Maybe more than 97.5%
59. Nosy fuckers
60. Many of my family members
61. Internet trolls
62. Bro’s
63. The fucking wind – worst element ever
64. Slow internet connection in general
65. Frozen screen (on any kind of device: smartphone, laptop, tablet, desktop)
66. Letting my true opinion accidentally slip in a relaxed, chill situation
67. How the corporate world was and still is faithfully represented by the movie Office Space (it’s a hilarious movie; living the reality not so much)
68. George Lucas, from May 19, 1999 to present
69. Writing an online dating profile
70. Taking photos for an online dating profile
71. Online dating
72. Having to buy new pants because I’ve yet again gotten too fat
73. Being ordinary in almost every conceivable way
74. The Latin obsession with death
75. People who are loud as fuck in the office at 7:30 AM
76. Hypocrisy, especially my own
77. The vast majority, and in some cases ALL, of the movies of Brett Ratner, Michael Bay and, sad to say, Paul Thomas Anderson
78. Disappointing people I care about
79. Medstar Washington Hospital Center
80. The private healthcare system in the USA
81. Citibank
82. 95% of cyclists in the District of Columbia
83. Working out
84. All manner of asshole not specifically identified in this list
85. People who microwave fish at the office
86. The “scraper” at the dentist
87. Having blood drawn
88. Tardiness
89. When people reveal their true, dark colors
90. Coming to the realization that ignorance is truly bliss
91. Fake ass motherfuckers
92. Enablers
93. Jargon
94. Catholicism especially
95. The elusiveness of patience
96. God, as it is depicted by the vast majority of religions
97. The fingernail chalkboard scraping sound that is the voice of someone you hate
98. Claiming you are not selling out when you absolutely are
99. The lack of and existence of self awareness
100. Never learning
