Most of my dating life has consisted of online dating. If the roughly 250 dates (different women, not total dates. I’d put total dates around 300 or so. That’s roughly 13 dates per tear for the 22 years I’ve been dating but of course the distribution has not been that regimented). Most of them were first and only dates. 93% have been from some sort of online origin.
It’s never really worked out in terms of a meaningful LTR. This isn’t to say it was all bad. I had plenty of laughs and good nights. Despite not ever getting into an LTR, I kept going back to it because it was familiar and easy and it didn’t take any courage to send an email or swipe right.
I’m out of the game now. There are a few apps on my phone but I never check them anymore and they sure as hell haven’t been sending me any love either. I had my moment in the online sun but those days are over and it’s impossible to ignore the fact that 99.9% of the women in the DMV have no interest in me. Numbers don’t lie.
But to be fair I don’t even know if I want anyone anymore. I just see shit differently now. I’m not down for traditional online or IRL dating right now. I might be again sooner or later. I might not. I’ll keep you posted.
Since it’s Friday (and 4/20 – partake!) I thought about how Friday night after work is my favorite moment of the week. And then it got me to thinking about my favorite moment of online dating. I’ll call it the Friday moment.
What is the Friday moment? You know how when you leave work on Friday and are headed to wherever your happy place is? How the weekend is laid out in front of you with hopefully limitless possibilities? Everything is perfect in that moment. That’s the Friday moment.
Is Friday the moment when I first get the app notification from someone on my dating app that someone I’ve messaged has replied?
No, because it could be a polite response (Dick move) or actual explicit apologetic rejection (MAJOR Dick move).
Is Friday the moment when I open the message and the woman actually responds to my question AND asks a question of her own? This may seem normal and basic but after 22 years of online dating (that’s not a typo and I’ll explain that in another post; it’s too broad a scope for this post), I’ve learned common sense is not common. And then there’s the whole fact that I can smell of rejection in the most subtle forms. It’s not self-fulfilling (I got plenty of those). I still make the ask even though I know she’s gonna say no (and in 22 years I have never been wrong).
That’s close. That might be Thursday night.
Is Friday the moment when she replies to my specific proposal to hang out at a specific place at the time of her choosing (prior to this ask I’ve determined the general times she is free) AND SAYS YES?
…see my answer after this brief aside:
FREE TIP: almost every lady’s I’ve dated has actually thanked me for having a decisive and specific date location and time. They all claimed it takes forever to get plans made with most guys because they’re noncommittal or just stupid I guess.
ANOTHER FREE TIP: guys, this isn’t a burden! You get to pick the field of battle! Someplace that is familiar and convenient TO YOU! My personal recommendation: find a bar you like within a 2 block radius of your home. If the date sucks, you bail after one drink and have a 5-minute walk back. If the date’s great, and you actually wanna see her again, you go for the nice (not porn style) kiss goodnight and hold the cab door open for her and that’s that. If you wanna wil’ out and throw down and she’s game, then you only have to walk 5 minutes to get to business time. That one’s Free, amigos.
What’s that? Is it possible to throw down on the first date and see her again? Sure, I guess. Whenever I’ve done it there’s a palpable “oh my god I can’t believe I slept with this guy on our first date” aura about her. Maybe it’s different for millennials. But I’m an old fart and I haven’t gone out with too many of them.
I know it’s lame old fashioned advice but if you dig the lady for reals, wait a couple dates before you try to seal the deal. It’s good to let the wine breathe.
Yes, that is the Friday moment. That is when I am in love. That’s when things are one kind of perfect (explaining the different perfects is beyond the scope for this post). Sure she could still stand you up or cancel. And some other rejection scholars argue that when you first spot her at the bar which proves she hasn’t stood you up is the correct Friday moment. But I would argue that seeing her for the first time is fraught. She could have posted old photos. She might fix you with that almost imperceptible look that conveys disappointment upon seeing you. That’s why it’s just not always perfect.
But when she says yes, things are perfect. Perfect isn’t best and it isn’t real but it’s full of boundless hope and naïveté. And dating nowadays is a motherfucker. And you fucking deserve to indulge yourself and engage in a little perfect fantasy of what could and probably never will be.
Have a drink on me, tonight. And go down swinging.