I Just Am Too Goddamned Sensitive And Need To Calm My Sh*t Down

So I got a number from a lady last night. We had a lovely conversation and she started suggesting all these things we should do together so I thought ok I think she might actually want to hang out with me. I’m not really sure dating is a good idea for me right now because I got some really heavy and difficult projects I’m working on and dating, for me, is rife with economic and emotional land mines. But I guess the glasses of wine convinced me to be bold. So I asked her for the number and I texted her and she responded very enthusiastically at about 1 AM last night. I was up so I responded right away to her response, probably TOO enthusiastically. No, I did not sext her or ask her to come over.

I woke up at 8 AM and, of course, there was no text from her. I tried another friendly text at 10:00 AM. I knew I should not have responded before she responded. I knew I should not have even texted her initially until I waited for 2 days. I know these sound like stupid concerns but this kind of bullshit is exactly one of the reasons I stopped dating almost 3 years ago and this kind of shit actually matters to a lot of people and I wish I could say it was a millennial thing but people my age and older go by this shit, too. I just don’t have the energy or patience to play the game and I know that most people do play it and I know I am screwing up my chances.

But frankly, the reward of sex and emotional intimacy isn’t enticing enough for me to play along. I know this about myself. I knew this about myself last night. I knew this about myself two weeks ago, two months ago, two years ago.

My annoyance at this situation clearly shows I am not ready to get back into the game.

Or maybe I need to change how I think. Yeah good fucking luck with that.

Anyhow, I hope I’m wrong. It would be nice to be wrong about rejection once.

And, yes, of course, this is a desperate reverse jinx attempt.

But it won’t work.

UPDATE: she sent a text message to me out of the blue that did not address any of my previous texts (both of them). I replied with a direct date invitation. I’m still officially correct about being rejected until she actually accepts the date invite AND shows up.

This ain’t my first rejection rodeo.

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