You win some; you lose a lot

As a fellow beast…

(ugly dude or slightly below avg looking dude – it’s cool I had my moment of above avg attractiveness but I’m pretty attuned to the societal standards of beauty – speaking to the prevailing standards not meaning to imply that everyone in a given society is attracted to or subscribes to the same standards – I know what USA society writ large finds hot and I am far far from it. And I don’t have game, confidence, money, fame or power so please don’t start with that nonsense. And if you even begin to THINK about saying women really love a sense of humor, I have about 2 billion non-hot funny dudes that are waiting to say “go fuck yourself” when it comes to that myth. Sure chicks love to hang with a funny guy. But unless he’s got one of the other 5 things I mentioned earlier going for him (or looks obvi) they ain’t tryin’ to fuck him. They would 10 times out of 10 go with the hot guy. Again, speaking in vast statistical majorities here so don’t come at me with the super special humblebrag that you’re attracted to atypically hot dudes. If you’re even telling the truth, you are an outlier.)

…Anyway so as a fellow beast, I’ve always been naturally charmed by the Disney film ‘Beauty and the Beast’ (only animated feature ever to be nominated for Best Picture – and deservedly so – great songs, good story, classic animation). It’s a lovely and naive conceit that a person will overlook physical attraction and fall in love with another person based on personality alone. I’m sure it happens but it ain’t fucking likely.

So I recently encountered a person who I really thought was absolutely charming and I wanted to be friends with them. My friendship overtures were initially met with positive reinforcement. But it soon became clear that I was the only party interested in pursuing this friendship.

My personal theory (and I am a certified and master sommelier when it comes to rejection) is that she thought I was trying the long con on her and trying to get in her pants in an obliquely indirect manner. I wouldn’t be the first dude to try the “friends first” maneuver but I honestly just wanted to be friends. Most of my friends, bless their hearts, are in serious relationships, often with offspring. They don’t have time to hang.

I did a rudimentary analysis of my local friends and eventually determined that there were only 5 people available to really hang out. And 2 of those 5 were decidedly unreliable.

It just sucks when you want to be friends with someone and they have no interest in reciprocating. It hurts. It makes me sad. It makes me think less of myself (and there wasn’t much less room there to support an even more negative self image). It blows, amigos. That’s all. I don’t have some great wise takeaway to give you.

I’m just bummed out. I’m going to go drink a bottle of wine and take a nap.

2 thoughts on “You win some; you lose a lot

  1. People Judging from personal past experiences. Having pre-conceived ideas. Not taking something face value and searching for hidden agendas. It sucks! But it is status quo. But why does it hurt? Your overture was misinterpreted. That’s all. Too bad for her. You can’t have enough friends .

    1. I feel like I made it pretty clear why it hurts. I’m not saying it hurts other people. I’m only speaking for myself. It simply hurts for me because it makes me think she thinks I’m not someone she wants to be friends with and that means to me, and it probably shouldn’t but it does, I am more bad than good in her calculus and I actually quite agree when it comes to that math. I’m rambling but I guess I usually think I’m a pretty good friend. But this person didn’t even give me a chance and that makes me sad. She didn’t even give me the chance to let her down! So she’s pretty smart I suppose.

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