JLaw and me

I remember going to see this much-heralded but very small Indie flick called Winter’s Bone starring a powerful newcomer named Jennifer Lawrence. I was really impressed with her performance as a tough as nails, whip smart older sister protecting her family. She would reprise that kind of character in The Hunger Games trilogy as well and you could say the tough strong woman archetype as a constant theme in her work. She does not ever play any wimps.

You see, things started really well for one-sided friendship (some would call it sycophancy – you know – if some were obsessed with being accurate). I’ll give you a super brief recap on all the JLaw performances and their respective flicks (that I have seen):

Winter’s Bone: she was great – see above (movie: 3.5 octopuses out of 5)

X-Men: First Class: she was fine, whatever (movie: 4 octopuses out of 5)

The Hunger Games: she was great (movie: 4 octopuses out of 5)

Silver Linings Playbook: she was great (movie: 4.5 octopuses out of 5)

The Hunger Games: Catching Fire: she was great (movie: 3.5 octopuses out of 5)

American Hustle: she was very good (movie: 3.5 octopuses out of 5)

The Hunger Games: Mockingjay Part 1: she was great (movie: 3.5 octopuses out of 5)

X-Men: Days of Future Past: she was good (movie: 5 octopuses out of 5)

Joy: she was ok (movie: 3 octopuses out of 5)

The Hunger Games: Mockingjay Part 2: she was great (movie: 4 octopuses out of 5)

X-Men: Apocalypse: she was ok The Hunger Games: Mockingjay Part 1: she was great (movie: 2 octopuses out of 5)

Mother!: she was uneven at best and terrible in many parts The Hunger Games: (movie: 0.0 octopuses out of 5)

Red Sparrow: I’m seeing it in 30 minutes so I can’t say yet!

Things were awesome for a minute. She was America’s favorite female movie star. She is to this date its highest-paid female movie star. Despite her rarified air people seemed to think of her as real and approachable. And maybe she was those things. For a minute. But I think fame changes almost everybody.

I think I had my first doubts about my true love when she fell down walking up the stairs to receive her Oscar. It was such a perfect everywoman moment we had come to expect from our favorite. But my cynical self couldn’t help but think that it could have been staged. It was just too perfect for me.

Then she started to make a habit of flicking off the media and making sure EVERYONE in earshot knew she was out of fucks to give. I’m glad that’s your journey and all but it really sounds like woe is me and frankly, you’re a world-famous, widely beloved, intelligent, gorgeous, talented, wealthy, young woman. That really didn’t resonate with me. But I’m a dick.

Saying anyone who looked at her hacked nude photos was “perpetuating a sexual offense.” I guess that’s when our break up was formalized because I looked at those photos. I was curious and I make no apology for it. Was it moral or ethical to look? No, I do not think it was.

I support equal pay, the Equal Rights Amendment and many positions under the incredibly diverse and large tent that is modern-day feminism writ large. I support the #metoo movement but that doesn’t mean I agree with all that’s being said in relation to it. But I’m not gonna get into that here – that needs its own post. But in this instance, I agree with Lawrence that looking at her private photos is an ethically dark area.

And a little while back she got some heat for getting up on the stage at a strip club and dancing or something. Everything about that is lame and cliche. It’s stupid that the pop culture media even made that a story. Who the hell cares what someone does when drunk at a strip club if they didn’t hurt anybody? Secondly, I’m a strip club frequenter, or at least I have been, and the whole “look at me I’m just like a stripper cuz I get on stage and fake dance for a few seconds – I’m so wild and empowered and interesting” is so played out and such transparent narcissism. We were already broken up over the hacked photos but this was like hearing a lame story about your ex that strongly confirms that you are better off without them.

Another confirmation took place with the release of Mother!. I’ve only enjoyed one of Aronofsky’s films: The Wrestler. The rest of his movies are just highly stylish and well-acted examples of discomfort porn. ‘Mother!’, on the other hand, is an abomination. It’s quite possibly the worst film ever made. Say what you want about The Room but it’s at least a sort of consist narrative thread and it’s generated tons of fun evenings when fans dress up and go to screenings and enact the modern version of the Rocky Horror Picture Show phenomenon. It also resulted in the creation of “Disaster Artist”, which was a HILARIOUS movie.

The only thing Mother! will ever generate is pain and suffering and confusion. How was this ever made? How was this ever allowed to be released? Was the editor of the film alive? Did the screenwriter understand they were expected to write one movie only? And that the one movie should be remotely entertaining, internally logically consistent and just plain not terrible.

Lawrence came out and unapologetically defended the film. I did respect her stance. I think she’s completely wrong and if we ever did become friends I would never trust one of her movie recommendations but that’s neither here nor there.

As a part of the interview in which she defended Mother!, she also mentioned that she can’t be nice to fans anymore. That just leads to more disturbing and aggressive behavior from certain fans. I get that caution and strategy. Safety should always be first. There are a shit-ton of crazies out there who will do a lot more than just blog about their celebrity crushes.


I’m about to leave the food court (the food court sushi restaurant wasn’t amazing. Crazy, right?). Red Sparrow starts in 24 minutes and I want to get centered so I can take good notes so that I can eventually post a fair review. I mean the movie might be horrible but I’m hoping the review isn’t especially so.

Man am I tired. I really can’t be going to the strip club two nights in a row and drinking so much. My old ass body just can’t hang anymore. But I’m sure the Arclight has some delicious caffeinated beverage options.

Have a great Sunday. Fuck Monday!

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