55df90c91400002e002e4433God fucking damnit. I can’t believe I’m choosing to post again about this bullshit. I really hope this is the last time.

It’s interesting. I was bullied from first grade to senior year in high school. I played plenty of violent video games and saw tons of violent movies. I LOVED gangsta rap. But it never once occurred to me that I could strike back at my bullies by shooting them. I agree the problem is very complex and I also firmly believe, and I’m sorry to say this, that this country is not going to do anything about it. But I do wonder now if one of the factors is simply that these kids see shooting people as a viable option because they see so many other kids deciding to use guns too. That’s probably way too simplistic and it’s 6:05 AM and I’m probably not awake enough to be thinking well. But bottom line: shooting people never occurred to me. For these kids, who make this choice for many different reasons (mental illness, extreme bullying, etc) , it seems obvious that it occurs to them.

I wished painful horrible deaths on my bullies. But it never occurred to me to make these fantasies real.

And they say kids today aren’t proactive. Isn’t it the American way to exercise your constitutional right to bear arms and stand your ground? And they say kids today aren’t principled.

And further, all of this is bullshit. It’s the same bullshit venting and posts by the left and the same prayers and thoughts and defensive bullshit venting by the right. And the same bullshit order following by the GOP of their NRA masters. And the same bullshit complete inability from anti gun politicians and groups to make ANY significant legal change.

It’s all just fucking bullshit talking and writing and wringing of hands and shaking of fists. In a week the vast majority of ALL Americans will be back to posting cat videos and factless political memes.

I’m not ranting because I care about these murdered kids. I don’t have that part of the brain. I simply don’t care about people I do not know. I know I’m a broken, mentally ill asshole. You think I don’t know? You think I should do something about it? I’m on 4 daily mental health prescription medications and I have therapy sessions 4 days EVERY week. I don’t make a lot of money and I just can’t afford more therapy!

I guess I’m ranting because I’m just fucking sick and tired of the same bullshit cycle that spins into action every time SUBURBAN people are mowed down.

Yeah I’m going there. Like I said, I’m an asshole.

16 people were shot and wounded in Chicago from 2/11/2018 through this morning. And 3 of those people died. This is FIVE days in ONE city in AMERICA.

Where were your thoughts and prayers then? Where were your sincere calls for sensible gun control then?

They must have been there but I guess I just missed those posts.

I said it before and I’ll belabor it: I am not claiming moral superiority. I am COMFORTABLY morally inferior.

It just seems all so fucking completely hollow to me. And for pretty obvious, repugnant reasons.

I’m not upset about anyone who I don’t know or care about being killed. It’s not in me. I’m not even pissed at the GOP or the reasonable left. Those poor bastards don’t seem to have any other way to address these shootings. I guess I’m just furious that this is never going to stop. It is hopeless.

It was 2005 and Eminem wasn’t the first to say the following and he would not be the last:

“When a dude’s getting bullied and shoots up his school

And they blame it on Marilyn and the heroin

Where were the parents at? And look where it’s at!

Middle America, now it’s a tragedy

Now it’s so sad to see, an upper-class city havin’ this happening”

Yeah so fuck you America. Fuck me for just watching the river of blood move by in front of me as I sit on my digital porch, my eyes glued to the latest episode of The Good Place. In a country of Assholes, I am just another prick.

I’m gonna go set up a monthly donation to Black Lives Matter. I hope their website is set up for that.

I know I’m a dick but I really do love you guys. TGIF!

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