I love a terrible pun.
Normally my alarm goes off and I grumble and turn it off because I’ve already been awake for an hour , usually composing a blog to be honest. This whole motivation, early rising , energy thing is f*cking weird.
Anyway, I turn it off, lumber out of bed and head to do my morning ablutions.
This morning, however, I Was especially wiped – who the f*ck knows why. So I hit the alarm to shut it off (please note: OFF not snooze). Yeah you can see where this is going.
By the grace of the Flying Spaghetti Monster, I woke up just in time to perform the least graceful ballet in history. The hippos in Fantasia were miles better. But I made it work on time and I was even wearing clean underwear so I considered it a win.
This would have never happened 2 months ago. I started my current gig 2 months or so ago after being employed for 8 months. That totally sucked. So I was really determined to do well at this job because I didn’t want to go back to that hellscape anytime soon.
To wit: I set a normal alarm and a moron alarm (which was set to fire 30 minutes after the normal alarm but still give me time enough to half ass my morning routine and get to work on time). That worked well the first month and eventually I was waking up so consistently that I thought I didn’t need the moron alarm anymore.
Yeah, well you saw where that went.
Things were going so smoothly that I decided to spice things up and order a song from the Apple Store so I could have a more interesting alarm sound than the boring ass iPhone default. Because I’m a morose f*ck, I chose Gary Jules’ Mad World cause it is chill and twisted. One of the lines is “ The dreams in which I’m dying are the best I’ve ever had“.
So I eventually decided that maybe I shouldn’t be starting my day with an ode to suicidal ideation. Even though a reliable source insists they say so much, I still set upon assigning a custom tone for each day of the week because I love conspicuous consumption and I like to mix it up. Here’s what I settled on:
Sunday: U2’s “Sunday Bloody Sunday”
Monday: The Bangles’ “Manic Monday”
Tuesday: ZZ Top’s “Sharp Dressed Man”
Wednesday: Old Crow Medicine Show’s “Wagon Wheel”
Thursday: Lionel Richie’s “Hello”
Friday: The Cure’s “Friday I’m In Love”
Saturday: Elton John’s “Saturday Night’s Alright For Fighting”
Now I’m not going to break down the obvious ones. I can’t give you any kind of rationale behind Tuesday. Wednesday is because I love the song and there are two “W’s” in it. Thursday is because I can see the beautiful weekend coming and I want to be polite.
If you have any suggestions for alternate Sunday songs, I would be happy to take them. Or really if you wanna make a case for any other day, go for it.
So as of this morning’s shambles, I’ve had to reinstate the moron alarm. I wanted to go with Kenny Loggins’ “Highway to the Danger Zone” for obvious reasons but it was only available as a ring tone. I need to luxuriate with my song alarms. I need to be romanced. I can’t accept a quickie. . So I went with AC/DC’s “Highway to Hell” because it also has the word “Highway” in it and AC/DC are epic master rock stars.
I’m just hoping that doesn’t scare the sh*t out of me, too.